Of course, when you stop checking your post every 5 minutes it gives people time to reply.....
Well I am now in that awkward stage like early dating where you want to make a move but you don't want to chase the guy off....how to let them know you are interested without being the pushy overaggressive girl...but of course he has been "dating" me for 16 years almost so why do I feel this way?
I need to be encouraged by last night's talk. Instead I am thinking of what step comes next. I should just be glad he said he still loves me and wants to try, right? That he didn't move out, right? It is funny bc 6 weeks ago if he had said he wasn't moving out and he loved me I would have been ecstatic ....although he didn't say he was staying here bc he loves me, he is staying here bc it doesn't make sense to move out when he may take the Omaha job and move soon. So my fear I guess is that we will just be "separated" under the same roof. Although I admit whatever the reason that may be better than being separated into 2 homes. I am just relieved not to have to tell S5 anything at this point. And if H moves to Omaha and I stay here until the house sells (probably 4 months w/our market) we could be "separated" without giving S5 a reason besides staying to sell the house and finish the school year....
I guess that after H stayed out all night (technically he was sleeping at a friends so he wasn't "out out" all night, but gone all night) Tuesday I am thinking, I don't want him to live here if I have to worry about when/if he comes home at night. If he were in an apartment I wouldn't have to worry, I wouldn't know... But I actually mentioned that to him in our talk last night, and he said he would obviously have to work on that and not be gone all night any more. We will see if that happens....
But tonight for instance he was on his way home from his interview (he is still driving home now) and we talked while he was in the car. I asked what he was doing tomorrow (he took the day off and said he would move some hay). He said he didn't know yet (guess he changed mind re. the hay). I asked if he would be around Saturday. He said he wasn't sure, then the phone kept cutting out and I lost my signal. I tried him back and it went to voicemail but this time I am sure it was the signal failure, I drive the same road he is on back & forth to Iowa and there are several low spots.
Point is, this weekend was "his" weekend on our visitation schedule. He was gone last weekend moving to Denver and spent the weekend before that moving hay, & the weekend before that moving hay... I scheduled a haircut/highlight for Saturday afternoon on purpose bc it was supposed to be "his" weekend--and he was supposed to be in the apartment and I wanted to do something for myself to make me feel good.
So if he isn't moving out, I don't want to go back to him doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. I still want him to step up and take his turn being with the kids. I know he loves them to death and any night he is home he loves on them all night long, but weekends he usually just does whatever chores or projects he wants. How can I talk about this and not cause a fight??
I hate to undo the progress we made...but I want to move forward, too.
OH, and we talked during his drive tonight and he is 99% taking the job. Same pay and the boss who interviewed him said in 5 years he plans to step down and my H would become the guy in charge of the company at that time.....$$$$$....H would NOT want to pass that up since he would get big $$ then to spend on his cows.
