Empowering the Conflict Coward

[Concerned_Listener]

Matilda,
She has told me recently that if she were to marry over again, she would marry someone with money, like a doctor.

I think you're right about her expectations. However, I have new rules to follow about managing conflict. She can have desires and expectations, but I decide if I think it's fair or not.

It is not possible for me to support her financially in the manner she desires. She will have to work to some extent. I will not work a PT job.

She has expressed that she would like for me to cook. I don't have a problem cooking a simple dish once a week. We're talking about a pot of chili, a crockpot of meat and vegetables. It would provide her some food during the week, help us be less reliant on restaurants. If left to herself, she would not cook for herself, and either not eat or eat peanut butter and create resentment about her situation.

I continue to write daily. I'm at a point where I want to start turning my sketches into a story.

I continue to dance 2-3X per week. I continue to enjoy the group lessons, and plan on signing-up for the next session.

I truly get the concept of detachment. It's not the best word choice because it implies indifference. It's about learning to loosen your grip. One can have goals and desires, but not be overly attached to them. I can work on Piecing and connecting to the R when I need to, but accept that my W will make her own choices about the M, and that it's not a reflection on me or my failure (even though she would likely blame me for the failure), if she chose to leave the M.

I think of her as a friend, because I think she cares about me. I don't think of her as a W, because W's don't sleep elsewhere. I'll just keep a balance beween self-care and connection, and wait while the situation resolves itself one way or the other.

I chose to marry her, so I have to make the best of it till D or death.

CL