Talked to W pretty much all morning. She seemed pretty down - I helped her out with some stuff at work and she seemed to appreciate it.
Last night when I went to bed I went over to her to give her a hug, and she gave me a kiss - Kind of weird. She also kissed me this morning, but got really uncomfortable when I tried to snuggle with her in bed. Guess I need to not do that.
I also got an e-mail this morning that she had bounced something in the joint checking account - I went to take a look and she had a deposit for a $1500 loan in there. I wasn't sure what she was up to, since she only had $20 in her checking account for the last week, but she's really digging herself a big hole with money. I'm sure she'll want to use part of our tax refund to pay it off, but she still isn't going to be any further ahead. She is running up so much debt right now it's amazing. Even when I look at her checking account, I still have NO IDEA how she manages to blow through so much cash every two weeks. It's insane. How do you go from $2k to $20 in four days without actually having anything to show for it?
I also noticed there was a charge at Kohl's on her account that showed up - Who knows if she left work for the afternoon to go shopping, or what she is doing.
I guess I'm starting to get tired of her BS - She seems like she's as much of a train wreck as all of her useless friends. Maybe this is the type of life she likes to live - It just seems totally ridiculous to me.
From my own experience with W, and from things she has told me in the past, she has a REALLY hard time letting go of people. If she 'feels love' for someone, or whatever, then she's cling to that feeling like an addiction. I seriously think that this guy could drive over her head, and she'd be okay with it.
Not so much different than many LBSes. There is a wanting what we can't have, like an addition. I saw an interesting article in a magazine about the science of love, and in some people, parts of the brain that are activated in addition are active in some people that can't get over a break up.
Personally, if my wife was IM with another man while I was around, it would really boost my desire to get the heck out of dodge. Is she completely insensitive to your feelings? How can she give you kisses after that? I think she needs space. Your presence isn't drawing her any closer to you....it's starting to feel more like she's using you.
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I guess I'm starting to get tired of her BS - She seems like she's as much of a train wreck as all of her useless friends. Maybe this is the type of life she likes to live - It just seems totally ridiculous to me.
She needs to work through this phase, if she's ever going to.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Not so much different than many LBSes. There is a wanting what we can't have, like an addition. I saw an interesting article in a magazine about the science of love, and in some people, parts of the brain that are activated in addition are active in some people that can't get over a break up.
Curious comparison... I didn't think of it from a LBS point of view. It is definitely along the lines of an obsession for her right now, more than anything else. Maybe she'll get over it one day; maybe not. I really can't see a whole lot of good coming from it, but she'll have to live with her own decisions.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
Personally, if my wife was IM with another man while I was around, it would really boost my desire to get the heck out of dodge. Is she completely insensitive to your feelings? How can she give you kisses after that? I think she needs space. Your presence isn't drawing her any closer to you....it's starting to feel more like she's using you.
Oh, I spent the time when she was talking to him getting utilities and other things setup for my new house. I'm planning on getting out of there ASAP. I'm really not sure if she is 'using me' or not - She doesn't seem to be trying to get much our of our R right now.
She really does need space. I think once I move, I'm really going to back off her and not initiate much contact - Our schedule with D is really setup so we don't have to even see each other if we don't want to.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
She needs to work through this phase, if she's ever going to.
I guess time will tell - She's got to get to the point when she realizes she's wasting her time and her life, right? I know she has had instances in the past when she wants nothing to do with OM, then a week later she'll be right back where she was before. I guess eventually it'll burn out, or one of them will get tired of it.
Here is how I see things Brit. Your W is having the chance to see how much you have changed while you are in her house. She is also seeing that you are not putting any pressure on her. Once you move out she will have a lot to think about.
I was going to suggest a way of getting you and D out of the house might be doing story time at the library. I know a lot of them in the area have evening programs for working parents.
Here is how I see things Brit. Your W is having the chance to see how much you have changed while you are in her house. She is also seeing that you are not putting any pressure on her. Once you move out she will have a lot to think about.
We'll see what happens when I move out - She certainly seems to have a lot on her mind at the moment.
I came home tonight with D and W was wandering around her house. I was friendly and asked if she had a good day. First response was "it was okay". A few minutes later she started talking about how she got really dizzy after lunch and didn't feel good. Then it turned into "I think i had a panic attack, so I went and drove around for a while". I guess she ended up at Kohl's to buy some t-shirts on her little drive. Tonight she was pretty chatty, but she just seems 'off'.
She told me a story about OM - Something about how the place he rents with his mom leaks, but they won't move. There was also some story about how they pay their rent in cash and the landlord hasn't been around to get it for a while. Basically a bunch of really weird shady stuff. I was friendly about it and talked a bit about it, but I've no idea why she suddenly came out with that. I really don't care.
D is already in bed, and W and I are hanging out downstairs. She's ignoring everyone who is IMing her, which is curious. I wonder what REALLY happened today.
Originally Posted By: lizzy
I was going to suggest a way of getting you and D out of the house might be doing story time at the library. I know a lot of them in the area have evening programs for working parents.
Good idea - I'll have to dig into that sometime. Usually evenings are chaos because by the time I get D fed, she's ready to go for her bath and head to bed. Unless dinner is involved, it's difficult to do much with her.
Interesting day so far. D was up a bunch in the night, so she ended up in bed with us from about 4am until we got up. I left in a rush and forgot my cell phone - Got to work, found W's keys on the floor of my car and called her to find out if she had a spare key. I expected her to be crazy and angry, but she didn't seem to care too much. I ended up driving back to her house in a snow storm because no one from work would go and pick her up (she only lives 10mins from her office). When I got there she was really friendly and thankful that I drove back to giver her the keys - I mean, what else was I supposed to do?
We talked a lot this morning once I got back to work, since she had some problems that I could help her out with - She's gone quiet now, but who knows why.... I asked her this morning if she was feeling any better after her 'panic attack' yesterday and she said she was still feeling pretty 'off'.
When I left with D this morning W gave me a 'real' hug - Not one of those 'pat you on the back' things. She really buried her head into my chest and hugged me. Not had that for a while.
In a way I envy people like you and Lanzo, you guys have physical contacts with your W , sleeping in the same bed and spending time together. Etc.
In my case if my wife does yell at me is a good thing.
A real prove that things are going in the tight direction would be when my wife move back to our bedroom (Soon...Please...Faster...Please...)
Me 42 W 27 Married: 6 years Together: 7 years Daughter: 3 years Wife away 2/16/2007 - 12/27/2007 (School in a different country) EA/PA began on Jan 07 (found out 12/29/07) Papers served on 2/6/2008
In a way I envy people like you and Lanzo, you guys have physical contacts with your W , sleeping in the same bed and spending time together. Etc.
The bedroom thing is temporary - I'm moving into my own place at the start of next month. Originally she didn't want us sleeping together, but she either changed her mind, or didn't want to deal with the hassle of setting up a separate bed. Honestly, sleeping with W isn't as ground breaking as I thought it would be - Sure, it's nice to have someone next to you when you go to sleep and wake up. When you've slept on your own for three months, you think it's going to be this life changing experience, but it isn't.
Regular contact is nice, but it drives you nuts. One day she's up, next she's down. I swear she even goes side to side at times. It does help a lot with 'testing the waters', since I know I can push a little more on a good day, but it's a crap chute as to what mood W is going to be in from day to day. I have learned that my W's mood has pretty much nothing to do with what I do, so at least that is something.
So, my W went out a little bit ago to go to a soccer game with some folks from work. Well, that's where she said she's going. She has been really friendly and nice to me tonight. Strange.
I ended up reading her diary tonight. Probably not the smartest thing to do - Nothing really changed my thoughts or opinions, so I don't think I'm going to 'respond' to her in a different way. Everything I read was just very, very pathetic. Pretty much the way I've been feeling about her today...
