wow, lwb. wow. okay, honey, I think you are doing great. just make sure you also remember that while the path home can be smooth, it is also going to take real work to get back, and to make a healthier marriage going forward. its nice to have him back, even if its weird, but at the same time be careful here. and I am very concerned about the continued contact with OW.
I really am pulling for you. I'm not trying to be a downer here, I hope you know it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Oh Sally, I know. The continued contact with OW is not good at all. I suppose I am looking at it as he is pulling away...albeit slowly...I don't know what else to do in that area except have a little patience.
Keep in mind, H has not said he wants to come back. He doesn't think its doable/fixable. But his most of his actions and words say he is debating on coming back.
lwb, don't get me wrong, I think you are doing an amazing job here. I think patience is key. but I also hope you don't mind that I pointed out my concern there. (((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
So glad you had a good time and good talks last night with H. You're such a level headed woman. You're amazing. I'd love to have you in my ear to know the right things to say.
I got your email. Thank you so much. I'll email you back and post on my thread.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Thanks Sue. I don't know if I am saying the right things. I know I am learning to keep my mouth shut, to keep judgement out of my voice, and to not bash OW/even acknowledge her at times. The more I am quiet (I have to tell myself "don't talk"), the more H talks. Now, we haven't always been at this stage. I hope you are ok Sue.
As you know from other posts I have made, my H pretty much stopped contact with OW after a stormy week. However, he did not want to be seen as the bad guy by her in the aftermath of the break up so I think if she had been the pursuing - cling on - type he would have taken her calls / emails but would not have met up. He would have remained pleaseant but non- commital is my guess. Now he views her as the devil incarnate; it took a year for him to admit her faults - he admitted his much sooner. Also took a year for him to come out with the 'I never loved OW' - which coming out totally unrequested was such an amazing feeling.
I definitely think you are 'winning' here. Good for you girl!!!!!
Don't be surprised if once you get back on a more firm footing you start to question if you really want H after all he has put you through - that is a very common LBS feeling but you will come through it.
((((((HUGS))))))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Don't be surprised if once you get back on a more firm footing you start to question if you really want H after all he has put you through - that is a very common LBS feeling but you will come through it.
((((((HUGS))))))))
Saffie, well I am feeling that very common LBS feeling of not really wanting h back. I feel more _entitled_ to him if you know what I mean...kinda I don't want anyone else to have him becuase he's MINE. I'm thinking that's pretty selfish and I question whether it's a decent way for me to act/think.
That's the way I used to feel about ex BF's. I didn't want them - would have moved on - but I didn't want anyone else to have them - I guess I wanted to feel they were pining for me. A bit selfish I suppose.
What I woud say is that even though sometimes I would question if I wanted to actually be with H DEEP DOWN I did know that I wanted to be. I did feel that I wanted to have some pay back but that urge really does have to be resisted inorder for things to work.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I think I might have read into H's actions/words a bit much. We had a talk tonight. I angrily texted him today when I saw OW called our house last night. Told him he had today to tell her not to call, or I would call her. He *seemed* understand today, but tonight in person he said "We are living as singles" (and spewed about racking up a huge phone bill versus using landlines). I pointed out he claims he is trying to respect me more, but that this is blatant disrespect from both parties. He doesn't see it. I am floored. Don't know whether to fight this one, or let it drop. Opinions? I *have* let him go, per say, so I guess this falls into him living his life.
Anyway, our talk tonight wasn't quite as nice as 2 nights ago. He still thinks we 'need' a divorce, but when asked if he wants one, he can't answer. I am not in a positive place right now. Trying to see the spew for what its worth, but when he left tonight, I cried hard. I just am not sure where he is.
