it is not that h is not capable of these things...h is capable and shows me almost every day..the energy is just not directed at me.
h brings home surprises for the kids...simple things like a lolipop or some pineapple from the salad bar at lunch...I can't even tell you how many times over the years I've asked h to bring me home a surprise...I'd even be happy with a lolipop..any little thing.
h walks in the door and wants hugs and kisses from the kids..calls them sweet endearing name about the closest I get is hey mamma..and that doesn't mean hot mamma..it just means mamma. and I get an obligatory peck.
h makes mention of wanting to get the work in the yard done so that when he comes home he can spend time playing with son...but doesn't make mention of wanting to get the work done so that he can spend some time playing with me.
h was able to talk with ow regularly...to sit and hang out...I doubt the tv was on...I doubt he was there asleep on her couch. he just can't seem to keep the tv off and talk with me.
h took time out of his day to "visit" ow during the week...even if for a 30-45min visit..h doesn't take time out of his work in the yard...not even to come in and eat dinner with the family.
I do have to wonder...does h get it?? or does h get it but obviosly knows that no matter what I will always be here so he doesn't have to make an assertive effort or go out of his box.
I don't know..I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm just selfish and should be happy that I have a h who works hard..who wants the yard to look nice...and appreciate all that and accept it as enough. thing is that when I did start to accept that before...then I discovered h's little friend and then he left.
I just feel stuck and I don't know what I can do anymore.
last night we had some m&ms and I mentioned recees piecies and the fact that I haven't had them in forever..h said..well maybe I'll bring you home some...again I wont hold my breath...h is too wrapped up in his own world to remember anything about me.
