Rachel, My H used the excuse that his ring was too tight on his finger. At first I'm sure that was true. Not anymore though, he goes to the gym regularly and is back to his old slim and trim self. I'm sure the ring fits him now. Tonight I am confronting him on it. What better time then on our anniversary.
We have both been in therapy, separately and together (same therapist for all). The falling of the twin towers just brought out what he had been doing all those years on the road. It made him question why he did what he did and his love for me. It brought out his guilt. Sometimes I look at him and I feel I could never live without him. He's been in my life for 23 years. Other times I look at him and I am disgusted at what he has done to us.
My friends and family know that we have been going through a rough time. Very few know about the A's. So, there have been no anniversary cards or wishes. I sit here now remembering 15 years ago today. I was so happy and now all I feel is lonliness and emptiness. God, this is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The sad thing is, is that there are so many of us out there right now feeling these awful feelings.
I wish for us Rachel, a happy ending one day. We deserve it. You try and have a good day too...Nikki
