Quote: .What is the big deal if he doesn't ask you out?
the big deal is that HE asked OW to go to lunch...but can't ask me to go somewhere with him.
Quote: maybe talk to him about setting up a 1 night a week date.Put the moves on him.
I would like to have a weekly date night but h gets himself involved in projects around the house and wont take a break from them...everynight whether it's raining or not...h is now cutting down trees and cleaning brush in the yard til at least 8pm.
Quote: Put the moves on him
I've put the moves on him far to many times in this r and been rejected...I refuse to be rejected...not having the advance made toward you is one type of rejection but to make an advance yourself and be rejected is humilitating...I've been down that road and I'm not going there again.
Quote: Have you asked H to go with you to Florida?
h is the owner of a landscaping company...it is the begining of the season...he can't just take off for a week during the first weeks of the season. he has said that he may come for a day or two but will not make that decision until then..so basically I'm going under the impression that he will not be comming at all...that way I wont be dissapointed when he doesn't.
it is not that h is not capable of these things...h is capable and shows me almost every day..the energy is just not directed at me.
h brings home surprises for the kids...simple things like a lolipop or some pineapple from the salad bar at lunch...I can't even tell you how many times over the years I've asked h to bring me home a surprise...I'd even be happy with a lolipop..any little thing.
h walks in the door and wants hugs and kisses from the kids..calls them sweet endearing name about the closest I get is hey mamma..and that doesn't mean hot mamma..it just means mamma. and I get an obligatory peck.
h makes mention of wanting to get the work in the yard done so that when he comes home he can spend time playing with son...but doesn't make mention of wanting to get the work done so that he can spend some time playing with me.
h was able to talk with ow regularly...to sit and hang out...I doubt the tv was on...I doubt he was there asleep on her couch. he just can't seem to keep the tv off and talk with me.
h took time out of his day to "visit" ow during the week...even if for a 30-45min visit..h doesn't take time out of his work in the yard...not even to come in and eat dinner with the family.
I do have to wonder...does h get it?? or does h get it but obviosly knows that no matter what I will always be here so he doesn't have to make an assertive effort or go out of his box.
I don't know..I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm just selfish and should be happy that I have a h who works hard..who wants the yard to look nice...and appreciate all that and accept it as enough. thing is that when I did start to accept that before...then I discovered h's little friend and then he left.
I just feel stuck and I don't know what I can do anymore.
last night we had some m&ms and I mentioned recees piecies and the fact that I haven't had them in forever..h said..well maybe I'll bring you home some...again I wont hold my breath...h is too wrapped up in his own world to remember anything about me.
Quote: for easter h bought me two and planted them...and now h is talking about bordering the whole back yard with them...ok so h is thoughtful...maybe I'm just a brat...but I'm sorry I want my man to want me Yes, he does, he does know how to but now I don't even know what I want.
LovelyDovey
Obviously he does not know you love languages, how to you intend to let him know.
Obviously he does not know you love languages, how to you intend to let him know.
I've let him know...many many many times...it makes sense to him sometimes and other times it just doesn't...he did say he'd look at ssm..but has yet to..and then the other night on our way home from our c session he said do you really think that if we had sex more often it would solve all our problems..my response was that things would be better...that is not our only problem but one of them...and again I was met with the..."that's just the way I am" stance.
I am expected to just accept that h's drive is in waves...it fluctuates...sometimes every day for a week..then nothing for a month or more...really why should I be expected to accept that just because that just the way he is...what about me?? that isn't the way I am why should he have to accept that that's not the way I am...I had to accept during each pregnancy that though I wanted to be physical becuase it wasn't something h was comfortable with or he though taboo I was left to go without til many months after the birth.
the other of my languages is quality time...I have to accept that to h..quality time is sitting on the couch and watching fox news and falling asleep after the kids go to bed. because again "that's just the way I am" so that is not the way I am though I have learned to appreciate the time...why should h not accept that "that's just the way I am" and be willing to go out or even stay home but do more "stuff" together...even if just to play a game of cards or darts or sit and talk.
I am expected to just accept the "that's just the way i am" attitude and be happy...gee if the way I am means I would like to hang out with someone and talk...occasionally have sex..laugh and have fun...that being the way I am should I just go do that??? just go find someone else to do those things with...go find someone else who I can share my side of the "that's just the way I am" no, no, no...that just tells h he just isn't good enough...no matter what he does it just isn't good enough...gee maybe that's because you aren't listening...you are too busy doing other things to do the simple things your w is asking for...ask her to go out...hell at this point she doesn't even care if it's you wanting to go to a sporting event and taking her along..I'd even be happy to go run an errand to home depot with you...the important part of it all is you ask me to leave the house before the kids go to bed and we do somethign together!!! oh yeah and have sex with your wife or hell even just flirt with her.
LL, I wish I knew what to say to help. I guess I can just offer emotional support.
No, you are not a brat. You deserve to feel loved.
I hope the C sessions are more productive. Maybe they will as your H become more comfortable. It has to be difficult to hold that guilt. I don't know if you saw my thread about what my H said. Just last week he metioned how something that the C said stands out in his mind. That the C was right about OW.
We only had one C session on 10/24. It took 6 months for H to understand what the C said. I guess it just took him a long time to "get it".
I hope your H "gets it" too -- soon.
I like the idea of writing down the good things he does each day. Sounds like a great idea. I guess not only does that give you a chance to validate him, it lets you validate within yourself.
{{{ hugs to you }}}
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Quote: last night we had some m&ms and I mentioned recees piecies and the fact that I haven't had them in forever..h said..well maybe I'll bring you home some...again I wont hold my breath...h is too wrapped up in his own world to remember anything about me.
shame on me...what do you think h handed me when he arrived home this evening???
yup!! two bags of recees pieces!! and a hug!
also mentioned getting a little depressed about the fact that kids and I will be away for a week. hey I guess I am part of "you guys" right??
so h will miss us despite the fact that he is currently very busy with work.
and did think of me today in bringing home the recees piecies.
now if I can just get a piece of something else!! ha ha ha.
I guess I need to apoligize for some of the things I ask you,but in turn it looks like he does listen sometimes.I agree that us guys aren't very bright when it comes to R.That is until we have been through this and learned all that we \ can about R.You do deserve to be happy and I think you will once you retrain your H.
Quote: now if I can just get a piece of something else!! ha ha ha.
LL - just like with the Reeces pieces, ask for what you want in a nonpressuring way.
Maybe start out something like: "You know, H - I really enjoyed the romp in the hay that we had a couple of weeks ago. I think that it made the both of us feel really good about each other." And then see where that leads the two of you...
