Finally saw my counselor today for 2 hours. Told her the whole story starting from when I last saw her, when she last saw W, and how I slowly declined.
I'll post more detail later but I thought I'd at least get her major response out for everyone to ponder.
She said:
Get away from her as fast as you can. I can see you are dying Frank, my God, you are already half dead. As long as you are interacting with her you are going to keep dying.
You did a great and courageous thing by using all your strength to pull her back into the marriage 2 years ago and you had every right to feel like it would be 'ok' for you to finally relax and expect to be supported and have someone else carry part of the load. But, even though the last meeting she had with W was about her understanding how weary Frank was, about how she needed to help him carry some of the burden, it never happened.
She cited several 'facts'. W never really did anything to make her business grow. She still isn't doing much.
anyway, she says that W is a caring, loving person who doesn't want to deal with the hard stuff in life.
She thinks she probably will walk out the door this time. But I might feel better when she does.
She said 'be selfish for once in your life'. She said I have been 'selfless' because that was how I was trained to be since I was a kid. It's the root of all my problems. I got married hoping that it wouldn't be that way any more, but I married someone who doesn't know what being selfless means. She also doesn't know what spiritual growth means.
Fixing the situation 2 years ago was my last chance and I did an honorable thing. She feels like my W just didn't understand what she needed to do to be in a marriage, and also 'grow spiritually'.
I'll post more later. I have to process my feelings.
