So..in true DB'ing fashion...I'm wondering about how you want to get what you want...in other words, it seems like what you guys have been doing isn't getting you what you want...what DOES work? What DOESN'T? What could you be doing differently?
wish that I knew...seems the best way is to just let h do as he pleases and be happy that he's here...kinda sucks for me that way. feel used...the obligatory factor in his being the good guy..doing the right thing...being there for his "family"
Quote: Is there a clue here? If you think back to that time, what was different? Was it truly just H. grateful to be home? Was it you grateful that he was home? What else was different?
what was different then?? h had been out of the house for over 6 months...during the seperation we had little to no contact with eachother other than shift change when he'd come to visit the kids..he'd come I'd leave got to a point where I'd return and he'd be asleep on the couch or in bed with son and would wake in the middle of the night and leave.
when h first came home...it was all new again...I still didn't always answer the phone and accepted the fact that he wouldn't be here certain nights..I was distant and supportive and understanding of him and his needs and put my own asside (though the physical touch need was being overly met by him then he couldn't get enough of me, guess he was making up for a dry six months)
h has yet to ask me to go out...he will say that we've gone out and yes we have but not once by his initation.
h has stopped inititating sex (well ok it's been almost two weeks)
h has yet to ask me to put my rings back on.
h still doesn't with any regularity tell me he loves me.
I sent myself flowers damn it!! added a card that said simply...you are special...you'd think h would take a clue from that?? NOPE. maybe I should send myself some more!!
the kids and I are going away for a week...and honestly I don't even think h will miss me..sure he'll miss the kids..he'll miss going into their rooms at night while they're sleeping and putting their blankets back on them..but will h miss me?? no, h will be happy that he can come home to an empty house...work out in the yard til 9..take his shower and plop himself on the couch to watch fox news or sports and not feel like he has to spend time with his pittiful little wife. he will be happy to have me away!!
I'm tired of thanking h for comming home. I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy and that it's just enough that he came home.. I'm tired of letting h have all he wants... I'm tired of the whole mess... I'm tired of being the one trying... I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one that bends.
maybe I shouldn't have gotten married in the first place!! h apparently didn't want to marry me..he simply asked because it was the next step.
h has no idea how I feel about what happend...h has no idea how insecure this has made me feel...h expects me to be as indifferent and overly confident as he is...ya right if I were as indifferent and overly confident as him I'd have a bf and not tell him about it!!
h will never change...he will always do what he wants when he wants and not consider my needs. h has been this way for far to long...I married him knowing that was the way he'd be with me so why should I expect him to be any different now that I know it is possible..why should I expect him to be in love with me..to have the desire for me to be around?? that is for little ms cancer...he just felt bad for his pittiful little wife and sorry for his son who were hurt by his leaving...he cares about me sure...but he does not have "it" for me and I'm tired of trying to be "it" for him...the more I try the less I feel like I have "it" for him!!
