well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
I have been in your shoes. My H did equally crazy things. He had a very hard time breaking his addiction to OW. The only thing that saved me was physical separation. He had an appartment for a year. That took so much pressure off... you have no idea.

I remember one time finding out that he was still in contact wtih OW after numerous promises that he was not. I told him to go back to his appartment (we had been trying to repair our M even though he had his place). The relief I felt when he left that time was incredible. I went to bed feeling like a black cloud had lifted. I let him and his darkness go and focused on the bright lights in my life -- my kids.

The separation also did good for my H. It was only when H was alienated from his family that when he would to his deep thinking.

My point is... I believe that physical separation is absolutely necessary at this point. You are enabling him, as was I at one point. This is not a healthy way to live. With him out of the house, you can begin to let him go and focus on you. It's hard to stop worrying about him, but you must do it.

Your H is very messed up. The only way you can help him is to cut him loose (for now). Detach.