let me clarify that I do appreciate h comming home early or at least wanting to come home..thing is it seems that he wants to come home early to get to work in the yard...or can't wait to hit the couch and watch fox news..I hear very little if any...I can't wait to hang out with you, I miss you, let's do something together etc.
it seems h is the way he is and that is just that. h will continue to do what he does...what he wants to do and that is just that...yes now h will accept an invitation to go out if I ask...yes h will now ask me to sit on the couch with him (because I've made mention of wanting it) but h does very little to go outside his box.
maybe I'm wrong to think that a spouse should try to go outside their own box for the other...maybe I'm just an insecure sap who continuously goes outside her own box to please her h..I will do the things he likes (like sitting and watching fox news) so that I can spend time with him..but it seems h is always reluctant to do anything that is out side his box...thing is I had accepted h is h and there are things he likes to do and things he doesn't...then to discover that h can sit and talk with a woman just not me, that really hurts.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough for h. I'm tired of feeling unatractive around h. I'm tired of feeling like maybe h should have stayed away and persued his life with little miss cancer. I'm tired of asking for what I want and being met with...so youre not happy, so what I'm doing isn't enough, so we're back to the way it was before...no matter what I do it's just not enough for you.
I just don't know if h learned anything at all while he was away...
amazing how when h first came home he was a different man...he was attentive to my needs...we played darts at his initiation, I got massages, I got funny phone calls telling me what song was on the radio, I was walked to the door when I went out and given a kiss that begged me to stay home,
either h doesn't get it or I don't get it.
no I am not misserable with h..I am happy with h...could I be happier...YES!! is h capable of giving me what I want?? YES...does h choose to give me what I want...only when it's convenient to him!
