when you have to ask for what you want

[sage]

Hey LL,

Sorry the C session was so difficult.

get a lot of "that's just the way I am" that attitude isn't really conducive to getting what you want know is it.

I know you want more this or more that...but "that's just the way I am"

Can I ASSume that H. is not a C-kind-of-guy? Did he have this stance when you guys were going before (I think you mentioned you saw this C. during your Sep?)

Anyway, stinks to be on the receving end of "not changing...like it or lump it" -- guess I'd ASSume that H's posturing could be a defense mechanism -- it I go into it saying I'm not changing well, who can blame me if things don't get better? If I fail to give her what she wants/needs not because I don't want to but because I CAN'T (don't know how, might fail, etc)?

What if you just embraced EXACTLY the way H is? Let him know in words and action that he is AOK in your book? I was thinking of this the other day in regards to your H's lack of "physical touch" -- what if instead of letting him know you want more you let him know that what he IS giving you is great? Feels great?

Not trying to be "unvalidating" by leaping to "what if you did this...".

So then the point of C would be to identify more of the things that work for both of you...?

I think you're going to get more of what you want...there's a part of me that thinks you may have to let go of wanting it first, though. (Does that make sense? Probably not.)

Sage