Newbie needs advice with MLC wife

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hi Dave,

Detaching is hard. Like anything else, it gets easier with time.

I don’t know if the frequent contact is a good idea since it appears to not be making a difference in her ultimate goal.

: )...ok what is your goal? Is the time together good for YOU or difficult. Doesn't matter what else you think it is impacting. If you feel good about it then continue, if it is painful for you then stop.

Here is an outside look based upon what you said.

The first couple of months there was very little communication. Since around Thanksgiving W has been contacting me somewhat frequently by phone or email ( I think she was getting lonely and depressed based on comments she made and just how she acted). At her request we have went out for dinner usually once a week since then. We spent a large part of Christmas Eve and day together with our kids and grandkids. We have been getting together for 1 reason or another at least twice a week at her request.

Do you notice an increase in time together? Set at her pace? I do.

If you can handle it there are few better ways than contact to get them to see the changes in you. Notice I said 'see'? Don't every tell her that your better or improving, she needs to see it to believe it. Telling her works against you.

MLC LBS interaction is a mine field.

There are certain ways of crossing a minefield that work. And people here can tell you those ways.

But everymine field like every relationship is different.

You are going to have to find out what works for you, as you clear your own field, and it is a very slow process.

It seems like you have the GALing down pat. Good for you on the improvements you are making. Good for you.

From experience...not having the support of her family, or children...that is not a good thing, right or wrong, that is going to REALLY hurt her...and strangely...I got blamed for the problems she had with her mother.

MLCs...gotta love the silly crazy selfish SOBs.

I believe this is part of the reason why this had to happen.

With that attiude you can do this. Use this time to improve yourself, to learn.

There are days that I accept that she has to go thru this but other days where I just don't have the same perspective and the patience and understanding isn't there and I feel very down.

One day at a time. For as long as you can. Do not look far down the road, look as far as tomorrow. Or even only 30 minutes from now if that works.

"Today is not the day you quit, and you will not quit tomorrow, but lets see what tomorrow brings." Repeat that everyday.

Everytime you feel hurt suck it up. Pain tells you your alive and anything you conqueor makes you stronger than that thing.