Quote: what a difference in the calls...h always did call during the day but the converstions were empty now they still contain the same what time he'll be home etc..but there's more to it...more energy...more thoughts...and more things about home.
Ahh...yes, I know the feeling. H is more "present."
Quote: we have an issue with one of the kids in the neighborhood
You know, LL, from what you wrote I feel sorry for the kid. Sounds like maybe his home life sucks and he doesn't get enough attention, or even food. I remember right before I had my first son there was a kid in the neighborhood that took a liking to me. He was about 8 or so. He was a good kid, but had a flake for a mom (dad wasn't around and mom had lots of boyfriends). The boy had trouble in school, got into fights, all that kind of stuff, but he was smart. Anyway, I showed him some kindness, tried to "guide" him as best I could knowing his mom was a flake. Perhaps this is what this boy needs? Maybe show him some additional kindness and guidance (like manners)? It's that old "butterfly effect"... Anyway, my .02...
Quote: You know, LL, from what you wrote I feel sorry for the kid.
honestly I feel sorry for the kid too...always have...his mom is home but still he was always outside alone playing or at the other neighbors house...manners? rules? respect? all things that don't seem to exist in that family...I am nice to the kid...but there comes a point when ya just can't deal with the agrivation anymore...he's an antaganizing pain in the but!! I understand it's not his fault...but really if anyone dare speak to him about his behavior his mother gets all pissy...I've seen it and I've been the brunt of it when I once responded to his blatant rudeness simply by saying...that wasn't very nice...this is a kid who just doesn't listen at all!! not much I can do cept wait for him to move away and hope that maybe his mother will get a clue and realize he's her son and it's not the neighbors job to watch over him.
if I didn't have kids or perhaps if my kids were older than him I wouldn't mind as much...I can deal with him myself...it is the way he treats my son and the behaviour my son learns from him that I don't like. I know that's just a fact of life when you have children but in my own back yard???
other than that "issue" I'm looking forward to the summer!!
LL, I understand totally how your H's calls can brighten the day. I had some contact with my H's XOW's H last week. Not a good move. All the old doubts are trying to seep in! I also have a set of neighborhood kids that irritate me. They are twin 6 yr old boys. Cute as can be but the mom works and Dad's pretty mean. The boys are always hungry and they would be here 24/7 if I let them. One of the twins has major behavior problems. My son6 thinks he's great. They recently moved to my sons school:p Today I had taken my D to run an errand and when I came home my s15 told the neighbor kid to go home and not come back. The boys had been swinging big sticks and son 3 was in the yard with them so my son told the boys to stop. they all did but Sam. So home he went!S15 calls him a demon child, Sam isn't, my heart goes out to him. But you have to look out for your childrens best interest. I hope your Easter dinner goes well. Kip
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
when will I get over my parents divorce???? I don't enjoy the holidays as well as I could because my father either isn't there or there is tension between my mom and him when he does come. (today he isn't comming...just called from his cell phone..no doubt he's at his skanks house and doesn't want me to know the number there so used his cell phone) he also let me know he will be comming to sons b-day party next weekend but said he'd be comming early...like 2 hours early..gee is that so he can leave when mom get's here????
my mom told me some things last night about how the ow controled my dad durning their sit...and even of one night that ow pushed my mother over...I so wanted to get in the car drive to my dad's skanks house and beat the crap out of her...for my mother...for myself...and actually wouldn't of even cared if my dad was there too...I love to kick him a few times too..my dad knows how I feel about what he did...I've let him know that he's my dad and I'll always love him but I think he's a jerk.
honestly I am more effected by my parents divorce than I was at being faced with the possibility of my own.
any waw with children who thinks it's no big deal to the kids...even if they are grown..( I was 25 when my parents d'd) trust me...it's worse on the kids than it would be on either of you. think long and hard before you make a decision to break a family apart!!
right now I don't even want to go to my mothers for easter..I'd rather just stay at home with my h and our two children and enjoy our family and shut out the rest of the crapola!!
I'm so very sad about my family of origin...it's gone...no it wasn't perfect...but there is no longer mom & dad...there are no longer those sunday dinners all getting together...remembering this or that...
my parents divorce became final shortly after my marriage became official...
I don't know what else to say...I just had to get some things out...don't want to bother h with it cause he doesn't understand the pain...think I'll just go cry myself for a bit.
I guess if I knew that they were both happier or better off now I would be more able to accept it..but they aren't they are bitter and angry and I hate it!!! LL
Oh how I wish that I could print you post and give it to my H. He seems to think that our kids will be just fine (S9 &D12)........could be cuz his OW is telling him that.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. I hope you have a nice day inspite of everything.
feeling incredibly nervous about tonight...we will be going for the first time to c together. I don't want to stir things up to much...I just don't know.
TAke a deep breath LL. You will do fine. You decide how to let things run. Maybe C will prompt some healthy discussion. Maybe this is the time and place to gently let H know what you need. He loves you LL. There's no doubt. In my thoughts.
something interesting about yesterday....as I said my parents divorced over 5 years ago...the holidays and some other occasions always get me down...h doens't fully understand the pain and emptiness I feel in regard to my family because he himself has never faced it. he has in past years always pointed out the we now have our family...that we will create within our family those memories and I should look back and be thankful for the family I did have that so many others didn't (meaning the sunday dinners and time spent together not just meaning having a family)
now when h offers that comfort or solace of realizing we have our own family now I am still saddend because that family was almost taken away as well and at times I will admit I still fear it being taken away.
I just want peace...do I already have it within reach but am afraid to grab hold of it??
I dunno...
so tonight we have our first c session together and this may be something I will mention...I don't know if it is a good thing to bring up or not..well it's either that or the lack of sex issue...I dunno...me in a room with two men talking about how I want more sex?? that might not go over to well. ha ha ha
LL - thought I would just jump in for a minute. Have my own joint C session in about an hour...
As far as what to bring up for your first session? I would think that C would take the opportunity to get as much background as possible. Be willing to share time with H talking - you two will have different takes on things. I would see if C has heard of SBT and has read some of Michele's books.
Where I am at right now - I am mostly at peace but I do want so much more from W. I have doubts that W can ever do that but I do hope. And if it doesn't happen? I guess that I am OK with it - that it does not reflect upon me but it is all about W.
Hope I made some sense. And hope that you have a productive first session tonight...
