I have tried to catch up with all that has been going on with you. There was a lot to read and I did a lot of skimming. Sadly, I find you are not any better than when I left.
1. Stop posting about every little thing your wife says or does. We here don't care to hear it, nor should you be obsessing about it.
2. Come to grips with the fact that your marriage is over, Frank. Over. Done. Finished. And, may I say, good riddance! You need to let this marriage die. It sucks. Maybe in the future, you will have a new relationship with W or someone else. Please, let this relationship go.
3. Realize that the MAIN REASON you are in this situation is that you NEVER fixed yourself. It doesn't matter how many DB bandaids you put on your marriage, Frank. YOU (Not your W) need to fix what ails YOU. If you ever want to be happy again, you have got to get to the bottom of your problems. Face your demons. Get back to being Frank. Use your strengths to pull yourself out of this.
4. Realize this is a very painful process. It's suppose to hurt. So stop sitting around wallowing in your pain. DO SOMETHING POSITIVE FOR FRANK. And I mean DO something. Take action. Don't sit around making lists. Don't think about it. Don't post about it. DO something.
I can't remember how far back it is. I've read a lot in the past day. But, this crap about W texting the dude from the band trip is exactly that, C.R.A.P. She is having an EA with the guy. Period. You wonder why so many people have a negative view of your W? Because we can see so clearly what you cannot. You are too messed up to face reality here, Frank. Her big boo-hoo session with you after she returned from Rome wasn't about her missing you. She found herself in another compromising position and somehow managed to twist that in to "you need to be more in tune with my wants and needs."
I love how Amy put it...she's an 8 year old in a woman's body.
I know how you come to her defense. I know how you say everyone thinks she is the sweetest, greatest person in the world. Well guess what, Frank? I was married to the same type. Everyone said, "Gee what a great guy". Your W possibly is a wonderful person, but in the context of your marriage, she is POISON.
I know you love your W. I believe she probably loves you, as best she can. But I am living proof that someone can love you and still not want to stay married to you. I know it is frustrating that she seems "happy" when she talks with her friends. Of course she is. She's made a life altering decision and has yet to feel the consequences of it. And hear me loud and clear, Frank. She does not have the capacity to feel your pain. She feels justified in the decisions she has made. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT.
I want to hear from you. I want to hear about what you are doing for Frank. And I mean the real meat, Frank. Concrete things. I don't care if you are eating better or walking (good for you.) I want to hear about how you are using that magnificent brain of yours to make some real money. Do not be afraid to use the gift God gave you. Yeah, so you screwed up once. Hello. You may be a genius, but you are also human. Take back ownership of that gift. Embrace it. Use it to find your way back.
Lastly, I want to say that I do not believe in coincidence, Frank. Doesn't it make you stop and wonder why so many people of faith have been directed to your thread? It isn't accidental. God is here for you, Frank. He is the only one who can truly help you. Not your W. Not your friends here on the boards. Not your old friends. Go to Him, in faith, and ask for help. I promise you, He will help you. He is the one and only person who can get you "unstuck". A transformation will take place in your life that I cannot begin to describe. You will be overcome with a sense of peacefulness that you have never experienced.
Everything happens for a reason, Frank.
Love, Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
