LL, these fears are going to come and go ... can't seem to prevent them from happening (at least, I haven't been able to and I haven't read anyone here who claims to have discovered how to yet.), but I use that fear to motivate me to DB a little harder. So when this thought runs across my mind in the middle of the night and my W has her back to me, I snuggle in behind her, put my arm around her and focus on the fact that my W is in my arms now and with that thought try to get some sleep. Now, some nights she in turns comes over to snuggle with me and I smile, because I know that fear will not visit me this night.
Will that fear ever go away? I'm starting to believe it will, but it takes a very, very long time - at least over a year, probably more... but I have noticed the fear doesn't strike nearly as often now.
Give some time LL, I know, I know , that's what is always said here, but I finally starting to understand what Michelle means by "Time is on your side." Not only does it take time for the WAS to reallize the M can work and turns back, but it takes time for us to be convinced M can work too. Its just that they go through it first. Yes, we decided to struggle to save our M, but that is not the same as knowing it will work. Our efforts to save our M, shows the WAS it can work, so they come back, but we still have not seen such efforts from their behalf so we start having doubts as to whether it can work. The roles are reversed in a way and as long as it took for our WAS to come back ... its fair to say it will take that long for both of us to get back in sync again in terms of feeling good and comfortable in M.
When you start to take note that the 180's in their actions are real and here to stay, that's when we will know this is all working!!!
So there it is ... impromptu insight at the keyboard as this all started coming to me as I was typing.
Oh and BTW, when you both are back in sync ... that's when you know ... you're home .
