Don't do it, tempting as it might seem at the moment. And trust me, I believe that we have all felt what you are feeling right now. But it will NOT help your sitch.
Don't do it!! Tell us instead. Get it out if you need to here. DON'T CALL!!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I didn't call, but it's really scary how tempting it is to want to tell H off and "get closure". My family is urging me to "get closure", and thinks that would be perfectly fine, but I will resist.
Mother Magee, I don't really live "North" of Seattle. I just posted that because I am so paranoid that H will somehow recognize me if he ever found this site. But I do live in the greater Sea-Tac area. Care to grab a cup of coffee sometime?
LOL Kimmie- I am not exactly "north of Seattle", either... but north isn't a pipe dream... I could drive north as well as east or west! I would like to think that this is a safe site for us to be able to share our feelings and gain insight from others without the fear that our H's might be watching. But that is also the risk we take.
I just got back from my counselor's office. It was an intersting afternoon, to say the least. And I am exhausted from it, and hungry. Can't decide between pizza or ice cream to help me feel better.
Oh, I am going to ask for three years maintenance and two years medical coverage.
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KL, double or triple that time line for maint. and medical insurance! Trust you can always back down but you can never climb up on legal matters. sure you want to file? grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
All of our families want us to get closure, they want to see the pain over fast. Mine has said to dump my W, find someone new. They don't understand that I take my W vows seriously, My W is in MLC, she's not in control right now.
By the way I've got a brother that lives north of Seattle in Sedro-Wooley. I've been there a couple of times, really enjoyed it out there.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
first the good news. you've risen to the challenge of going dark and have been able to maintain this very difficult position. i congratulate you because this is so hard to do.
don't assume, however, you know your husband's state of mind regarding this. for all you know, he could feel very hurt and alone. you just don't know.
because you have been dark for a substantial period of time, you might consider sending up a trial balloon and then paying close attention to how he responds. a cold shoulder will obviously tell you to back off and wait longer. lukewarm invites another small step forward. go carefully.
my instinct tells me that you need to let him know you have softened on the dealbreaking issue of your stepdaughter (i also know these are tricky and difficult issues, but i assume you now have a different perspective on what you value most).
consider something as simple as just validating the very difficult position this puts him in by saying something to this effect: "i'm sure it's been very hard trying to be both a good and loyal father and loving and supportive spouse at the same time. i wish i could learn to be more helpful".
also think about leaving this message through an unexpected medium. if you are usually text messaging, how about a hand-written note - which hopefully conveys respect and consideration.
there's a very good chance your husband has a lot of mixed feelings, including some positive ones. on the other hand, if he doesn't see light at the end of the tunnel on the deal-breaker issue, he may not think it's worth moving closer.
good luck and kudos again on how you've done so far.
