todays rant (since that seems to be what most refer to my posts as)
today I realize that it is ok to love my h..I am not a fool for taking him back..I am not a fool for loving him..I am not the looser...
sure I could have said c'ya...when I discovered his ea..(ok sometimes I did) sure I could have completely written him off when he walked out the door..asked for a d...and all that yada yada yada!! I could have taken the money (child support, alimony etc) and lived my life content with my children...did what ever I wanted to do and heck used him as a regular baby sitter a few nights a week. would I have survived? sure..
I let h home..at first I thought it was mostly for my children..but the more and more I think about it..it is not for my children at all...it is for my family and my family includes ME!!
I would not have been completely happy without h...sure the kids and I would do just fine..but something would be missing...sure I could meet someone new who would eventually fill in the gaps...but there would still be something missing.
I've decided to let go of any resentment I hold toward h for having his a...I've decided to accept that he had to move out and think of leaving inorder for us to get to the place we are at now...for each of us to grow..to learn..to understand...to appreaciate...to love.
I love my h and day by day I am less afraid to show him...I know my h loves me too and day by day he is less afraid to show it.
will we live happily ever after?? doubt it, this aint no fairy tale....but I'd be willing to bet that things will never get to the point they reached last year.
