I have been on this board some time. Started with a sex starved marriage. So that was bad enough. Then my husband was caught writing women from a dating site who he was planning to meet. He is the one with the low sex drive by the way. So that floored me. He was angry and I believe was and is still going through a depression. I have fought, cried,and been compassionate. I have suggested counseling. I have tried to get him to go for counseling. I have been very vocal with him about my feelings. I started to GAL. I have changed a lot. I lost weight, went back to school. I do things alone. I got a job. I smile a lot. I feel I am a different person.
One thing I should say is I have always been against cheating. Found it to be the worst thing you could ever do to a human. Never could imagine how someone could ever get to that place. Until I was faced with it. Which is why I have been kind of MIA for awhile. I feel so many emotions running in my head right now. With my husband having the lower sex drive I have felt so lonely, so unattractive, so not wanted at all. I feel loved when we have sex and miss having that with a man. I have also found that I am not attracted to my husband in that way anymore. Now mind you this is all hitting me at once here lately. This guy I work with started hitting on me. Now mind you I have had that happen before and just took it as a compliment. NEVER gave it a second thought through 15 years of marriage. Even though my husband has had a low drive for 10 years now. But now this guy hits on me and there is a very strong attraction. He is also 10 years younger then me. I have not dated him, kissed him, or anything like that. But there has been flirting. Big flirting. I am ashamed and disappointed in myself.
But yet in my mind I think heck he did it to me. He is the one not giving me what I need to feel loved. He isn't man enough to fullfill me. I am not attracted to a low drive male anyway. I am rationalizing this in my mind.
It took a lot to admit this. I don'twant sympathy because it's wrong to want to cheat on your spouse. Could this possibly be something a cheated on spouse can sometimes go through? I know the cheater seems to fear this. By the way I did tell him about this. I had to be honest. He has said nothing and has not changed at all.
You are vulnerable right now. You are feeling unlovable, unattractive...'un' everything. I am right there with you sister. Flirting is very good. Very good for the PMA, to remember we are alive and worthy of the attention. You will know when to draw the line. Your answers are in your own first post.
Yeah I guess maybe that was what I was feeling like nobody would flirt with me. Then it happened and it felt so good. This has been one heck of a roller coaster ride with my husband. We have had ups then downs and more ups and more downs. But one thing seems to be sticking with him is this depression or what ever it is. I feel us distancing just like when he started going to dating sites. But see I don't think I have anymore fight left in me. I feel so lonely right now. : (
LWB, Thanks. : ) Your post brought tears to my eyes. It seems you do understand some on how I am feeling.
But see I don't think I have anymore fight left in me. I feel so lonely right now. : (
LWB, Thanks. : ) Your post brought tears to my eyes. It seems you do understand some on how I am feeling.
Trying-
Hey sweetie! Man do I know how you feel about thinking you don't have any fight left in you. I'm just about there too. I feel like I'm hanging by a thread most days now with a scissors in my hand ready to cut the last bit that's keeping me holding on.
lwb always seems to know what to say. She's a smart woman!
It may not help a huge amount but - Hey, we love ya! HUGS to you!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
trying, its amazing how much my self esteem/worth dropped this summer. I felt like 2nd choice at best. It was horrible, still is. But getting out there, even being more social with women, remembering that there is good in ALL of us, helps so much.
Quote:
I feel so lonely right now.
I ache from being lonely sometimes. Its hard for me to go out by myself lately. I need to be around people or I get in a dark place.
I too have a 'work flirt'. He has told me I'm attractive, funny, all that sort of stuff. We are very good friends. He knows about H (although he said all that stuff to me before he knew lol). But, even HE senses we shouldn't be alone together. I can't trust myself right now. Make sense?
trying, i don't know your whole story so I'm in no position to Adequately give advice.
BUT.
yes, if you cross the line (or even get close) you will know, and you will be wrong and yadda yadda yadda.
my H was always the LD and also he is the one who had an A. I completely understand the irony you experience in this circumstance, so I feel I can understand you here, sistah.
I went back to work after the A, and I interact with a lot of men who seem to find me attractive, and a minor few are downright on the line of Inappropriate, and I don't mind as Much As I Should, b/c I'm not getting that Kind of validation at home. But I have not crossed any line.
And before I do, I will leave my H.
(Not that I'm planning that, or saying I am, or will, or want to, or youknowwhatImean)
But don't cheat. Be honest. Tell him what you need. If he can't won't work with you in ANY way whatsoever, you will know if/when to walk away from that M.
Then and only then.
you know?
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Flirting is okay and there's really nothing wrong with it (as long as you don't take it seriously or actually believe it). Always know where your "line" is and never cross it.
And, keep in mind.... the compliments are hollow. The guy is just hunting for an easy lay, and he smells weakness and possiblity. Don't fall for that. You'll only end up feeling foolish, used, and you'll despise yourself for it.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
