Your H is not your father. My W finally came to the realization (thru her C) that I’m not one of her children. It’s never good to put people into pigeon holes.
You’ve always been insecure. Well, that may or not be true. If it is, then it’s something for you to work on, but I wouldn’t pigeon hole yourself either. The things you want from your H aren’t really unreasonable. Consolation when you’ve received a scare (falling tree), spontaneous affection, ILY, etc. These are not – of themselves – signs of insecurity.
Having to ask for the things you want… Well, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to expect a certain amount of empathy and for your H to at least try to anticipate some of the things you want. He’s not of a mind to put the effort into it, and that doesn’t make him bad or aloof. A tad insensitive? Perhaps. But without analyzing him too much, maybe he’s been too caught up in the hurt he caused you and doesn’t want to be too sensitive. By that, I mean that he’s had to shelf his sensitivity in order not to think too hard about how insensitive he’s been. And maybe it’s become a habit.
Have you told him of the things you’d like him to do on an ongoing basis? Sorry, I forget (I can be insensitive too). Maybe he needs sort of a list. Some things can become habit forming by creating rituals. If you want hugs, how about a “Honey, I’m home” ritual wherein you share a kiss. That sort of thing.
These sorts of things used to work for my W (waaaaaaaay back when she wanted it).
Right now, I’m in a bit of a dilemma. I figured that if I agree to all of W’s requests, she’d respond in kind – at least some of the time. However, my problem isn’t that I have to ask all of the time. My problem is that the answer is always “no.”
Oh well.
Anyway, do you think my ideas might help your H to be more conscious of what you want?
