Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Lizzy...yes, it can be too easy to get caught up in what they deserve and don't deserve.

My 3 hours of freedom were spend puttering around the house. I had a glass of wine and I put up some pictures in D's room. I'm excited for her to see them when I bring her home from school today.

S did ok with H. H said he was fussy...he says it was gas or something but both times H has taken him he's been this way. I personally just think he misses his Mommy!

I'm doing ok today. I'm really thinking a lot about this whole acceptance thing. While my DB'ing is about saving my M...it does seem less and less realistic. Having said that...I am by no means giving up and that gut feeling I have that it's going to work out somehow is still there.
But I don't recognize the person H is right now and I know I don't want to be with this guy. So I find my prayers shifting from "please bring my H back to his family" to, "please help H find himself again".
I'm really worried about him because the more time that passes, the further from himself he is. I can just tell he is taking his cues from CFB (OW) and I really hope that it is just a matter of time before the bottom drops out on that one. I hope and pray!!I just can't get rid of this feeling that he is going to wake up one day...is this denial or blind faith?? I prefer to think of it as intuition!!

His Mom is in quite a funk lately and H is noticing. He mentioned something to me about it the other day. Although he is not associating this with what he has done. Since H's Dad did this same thing (only abandonded the WHOLE family)...his Mom feels like she is going through it all over again. Not to mention she feels partially responsible as a result of how she dealt with (or didn't deal with) the circumstances. Of course...she's following the same pattern of avoidance. She has basically shut me out of her life...avoidance. But so bizarre since she was always so attached to me and I helped her through her separation and divorce immensly.
I only bring all this up because I know there is a lot more going on with H's other relationships. I am not focused on them...but I believe there is going to fallout from this and it will either push him further into the tunnel or perhaps begin to spark some self reflection.
OK...so I've tried not to have these little digressions about H...this thread is supposed to be about me! But I had to get it out. I'm kind of waiting right now for something else to happen...I have a funny feeling that something is coming...as I mentioned before, perhaps it's about the custody/visitation schedule.

blindsided...

I wish I could get out of my funk like you and SO2. I'm stuck.

I think hormones are playing a huge role in your 'funk'. I remember feeling the same way at your stage of pregnancy and it was pre bomb drop...although we were having problems.
But also, you keep focusing on how he is feeling (or not feeling) and that is directly affecting how you are feeling. Remember this one...

"Feelings are not facts..... My Chief task therefore, is to keep my thinking true and my behavior sound and go by what I KNOW, not how I FEEL."

You are stuck, but you're stuck on your H and how wrong he is. As you know you can't do anything about it. You need to find a way to break the cycle of these thoughts. I am going to be starting a meditation class next week...have you thought of doing something like this? Something to help clear your head?

J~