I think you have to read up on the different approaches, and then do what feels right for you. For me, I've always been a conflict-avoider by nature, and the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" stuff really stung, and rang true with me. I'm a "pleaser" and a "rescuer" and I've always placated my wife and been afraid of her ire.
I wanted an approach that would make ME stronger, regardless of the outcome. Of course, it had to be an approach that had worked for thousands of other couples (and the "confront and expose, while making yourself more attractive" approach has), and it had to be something I could FOLLOW. My head was spinning, and it was no time for my bagger to ask me if I wanted "paper or plastic." I just needed to get to work bagging the damned groceries.
We all have our own level of self-respect, and boundaries of disrespect, and our own values and morals about marriage and divorce. You have to do what feels right to you, and aligns with your beliefs. Ask God to help you -- He will!
