I am not advising what worked for me because perhaps there is a better way but this is what works for us. It works in just 2 steps:
If I want something from my H not only do I have to tell him but I have to tell him many times and with feeling. He is a sweet but very dense man. I pretty much have to tell him in about everyway I can think of, in respectful "I messages" works best. I need to do this without it becoming nagging for a year or two. That's step 1.
Step 2 is then I have to get completely comfortable with the idea that he may never, ever do what I would like--that can take a while also. At the same time I have to stop talking about it.
Somehow when I follow just these 2 steps my H has surprised me on several occasions by coming up with the idea of doing exactly what I asked for.
Seriously, my H does need me to tell him WITHOUT BLAMING HIM how I authentically feel and usually more than once. Then I think of ways to light-heartedly reference the request. Then when I get calm about not having what I want, he often comes through!
