so things are going along nicely...we seem to be a "normal" couple..a "normal" family..
h has been spending much of his free time in the yard taking down trees..he's had one of his employees come up on the weekends to help out.
last evening...h was clearing more trees and taking down another big one..it started to fall in the wrong direction and would damage some nice trees that we intend to keep..so he threw the rope around it and tried to pull it in the other direction..it just wasn't giving...eventually h asked me to help...I did..me at the back of the rope with it wraped around my waits..pulling with all my weight..h in front pulling as well...the tree started to fall the way we wanted..wich was in our direction...I started to run...saying "I'm scared, I'm scared" I got clear of the tree...dropping the rope and running away...feeling like my life flashed before me..h said are you ok?? yes I said...just horrified...h then went about the business of looking at the tree now laying across the cleared area and there I stood waiting for a comforting hug..after all my life did just flash before my eyes..visions of becomming a pancake under a tree...nada...so I finally said to h.."I'm not one of your employees, can I have a HUG!!!" h obliged and laughed at me saying I did a great job and was in no danger.
a little bummed that I had to ask for the hug...a little puzzled by it too..it was clear to h that I was terrified and rattled. I dunno.
the physical touch issue is still an issue and a bit more so now that h is working so hard outside...I worked some outside yesterday too (not just the tree pulling either) and man do my shoulders ache...so I suppose I can understand h being tired and sore and not being physical but it still bothers me.
h fell asleep on the couch again last night..that bothers me too...but that is something he's always done so I suppose I shouldn't read much into it..he did after all come up in the morning before leaving for work and gave me a hug and a kiss (ok really just a peck) and then called at 8 to say hello actually was singing "good morning...good morning...goood morning" he can be goofy sometimes...
the other night while laying on the couch I said to h..."I'm glad youre home" h responded "I'm glad I'm home too, I like it here"
that's a good thing considering part of the reason h left is because despite the fact that this is a great house..and has great people in it..he just didn't want to be here...didn't want to come home from work etc..so now he likes it here..
when h called this am..he said he's going to try to get home early (@4) to do more work in the yard...also last night said he's looking forward to getting this stuff done so that when he comes home he can spend some time playing with son..say's he likes playing with son..ok dd too!
I think things are going to be ok...
I'm still insecure... I'm still having some trouble dealing with the ow issue.. I'm still trying to believe what he says of it being non-physical..but preparing myself for another story.
there is still work to be done..but I think we're gonna make it.
I won't post myself in the success stories or write to michelle till I have a ring on my finger once again..but I think that day will come.
