That's friends for you. It's much easier when you are on the outside looking in. That being said, it's doubtful that you are detaching nearly as well as you think. For example, what if you read something she wrote about how she only said she'd like to talk so it didn't hurt your feelings, but in reality she'd prefer never talking to you again. Would that affect you? I bet it would. What if you found out she was seriously dating? Would that be a major blow? If you absolutely knew there was no hope, how would you handle it? Those are harsh things, and I'm not saying I wasn't guilty of the same thing, but our friends on the outside sometimes see reality a little more clearly than us. We grab on to 2 1/2 hour talks and make it out as though our spouse is inches away from reconciling with us. We say, "but she smiled at me, isn't that a good sign", when we really can't know where they are at.
Truly detaching is deciding how you intend to be and how your life is going to be, and your spouse isn't part of the equation. You can hope she'll appreciate it and want to be part of your life, but it really will go on fine regardless. I don't know if many actually reach that point.
Sorry you felt tore down. You have to understand that he thought he was being a friend by telling you to move on and that you are too hung up on her.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
