Hey Beth! It's me and I'm awake (not that amazing as it's 3:30 in th afternoon, but I'm patting myself on the back anyway!)

So, I was thinking about your message and the boundary setting- looks like you loads of feeedback here yesterday, so not sure if it's worth me posting too, but I will anyway!

In one of your posts, you mentioned that you want to be H's wife, and that you hate OW being around. I think I understand some of that feeling, and it's awfully hard to deal with.... My take on it is that my positive contact with H raises my expectations, so I think I should be the only one in his life, and be involved in it(as we have a great time together). But I'm not in his life; SHE is. Makes me mad at H, because how could he be doing this?!! I don't know if it's similar for you, but I am trying to deal with it by focussing on baby steps, and trying to maintain NO expectations about the future....but it does make acting AS IF hard.....

Anyway (sorry for the rant, by the way!), I thought the contact about the house sounded like a good interaction, and something of a baby step. Also the funny story about the woman on the plane....

I do agree that setting a boundary would be a 180; it had a positive effect when you stood up to H a while ago didn't it too? My only concern would be that if he is making baby steps and building communication, we don't want to scare him off. Is there any chance he is talking to you about the house because he KNOWS you loved being part of that and he is trying to keep you involved, even in a small way?

So given that, this is what I would put into the e-mail if I was writing to H:

"Have fun in Florida. Sounds like you'll be busy with sorting out all the layout and colours- especially as I won't be there to offer my expert advice and exquisite good taste, so good luck with that. ;\) Speak to you soon"

I realise this doesn't set any kind of boundary at all- personally, I would set a boundary in person or on the phone, as I think e-mail can come across a little harshly sometimes. Is there contact expected tonight aswell? If so, and thee house comes up, maybe yu could bring it up gently by changing the subject away, or just saying 'gosh, why don't we talk about something else? I'm really missing being involved in that project and don't want to have to come down there and take charge'

Hang in there Beth- you are doing brilliantly! ((()))

Lisa
xx