Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[Michael Mc C]

Wow, Sir, I've heard a lot of these same things from my wife as well. I am not an angry person but there was a night a few months ago when I exploded. The next day my wife told me that I had destroyed any chance we had for reconciliation.

There was nothing physical but there was yelling (no threats other than having her move out). I know I scared her that night and I regret that completely. I tell myself that it's the situation that brought this out - unfortunately we had both been drinking too.

It doesn't take much, I think, to be thought of as controlling and abusive. Over these couple of months I have worked to show her the husband I have always been - calm, kind and level headed. It can take a lot of work to undo even a single instance of psychological abuse (perceived or genuine).

My recommendation is that if your W feels you have an anger issue you should speak with someone that can help in that determination. I wouldn't register in any classes without first speaking to a doctor/therapist AND a lawyer.

In my case I can pinpoint exactly when and why my wife felt I had issues. There is a good chance that sometime in your past (recent or distant) you said or did something that left your wife with a similar feeling - unbeknownst to you. Has your W given you any examples of why she feels controlled and abused?