SG, do you think the side effects of withdrawal will be more bearable if she tapers or if she goes cold turkey?
Oh, tapering is definitely easier, side-effect wise. I don't know how much she's been taking a day, but Opioids are generally no fun to quit cold turkey. But tapering may prolong the addiction indefinitely. Best thing is to do it with the help of a doctor experienced in that area because it's not do it yourself stuff.
If she's really all out of drugs she may not be able to tolerate it without medical help. The depression can be debilitating. As can the sleeplessness. There's medication that can help with the side effects, like clonidine. Red, I think it's imperative that you confide in someone, a friend, that mentor, anyone, who will be able to monitor you, if you don't want to go the medical route yet. Someone you can call in the middle of the night, and who'll come right over. And take you to the ER if necessary.
There's a lot of sadness down that road, and as we both said Lil most people tread on it not knowing where it leads.
I really hate that stuff.
Red, let me know if there's anything we can do to help. I don't like to do it online but I'll pull my MD out of the hat for that one.
Well, first of all I'll tell you what happened last night and then I will tell you what I'm going to do today.
I met that woman who just was a "person" who is an alcoholic/addict herself. Ended up taking me to an AA meeting. Met a girl there afterwards who had just come out of rehab for pain meds & I sobbed on my way home & to my parents when I got home b/c something she said struck me SOOO hard: She said that she felt like the person she used to be & more after going through rehab.
I told my parents I was going to check myself into rehab and I'm going to TODAY. The reason is this: Yeah, I need to get off the meds, but I need to figure out the WHY I felt the need/desire whatever to be on them and why I'm SO UNHAPPY.
I can't taper. First, I can't even get another refill from any of my docs -- I'm at the end of my rope. Second, I've said that for months "one more refill, I'll taper off & I'll be done." Well, I have absolutely no self-control when I have them. I take about 7 or 8 a day and if I have them, I take them. I have tried & tried and said over & over that I was going to taper off and I just can't do it.
Oh and I have told IRL people. First I told one of my bosses, then we went to my other boss (the "Big Guy") and he's who helped me get the name of that woman. He thought that this one doc would be able to help me and actually stopped at his office to talk to him about me, but that doc is the one who gave me this other woman's name. And, my parents are in the loop and they will help w/ the boys and financially if need be.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
As for H, I'm at the wait & see what happens mode. I don't really think I want to talk to him about this over the phone. Mostly for him b/c then he'll be worried sick and he cannot do a darn thing from over there.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well, I want to tell him in person, but he doesn't come home until May. How do I "hide" this from him w/o having to lie to him? Hopefully I'm going to get checked in today! That is going to mean that I'm there this weekend. How do I explain my absence to him w/o lying?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I told my parents I was going to check myself into rehab and I'm going to TODAY. The reason is this: Yeah, I need to get off the meds, but I need to figure out the WHY I felt the need/desire whatever to be on them and why I'm SO UNHAPPY.
Good girl. Best thing you can possibly do. *nods in complete approval*
This won't be easy, but you sound like you have a lot of fighting spirit. Good luck. Let us know how you're doing.
Oh, and Cemar, it's not all about "honesty," there's a lot more to it than that. So, yeah, I am scared he may decide to divorce me again over this.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
DO NOT let abandonment fears stop you from taking care of yourself. Once you have gotten the help you need you will be much better able to face whatever comes including fessing up, facing marital issues etc.... It is great that your parents are willing to help. Keep your promise to yourself & go get treatment.
There's NO WAY he is going to threaten to D you over this. C'mon girl - you are taking pro-active action to rid yourself of a problem you have - he is going to see you as being strong. If I were him I would be in awe of the strength you are showing and be sad that you had felt unable to confide in me sooner.
You are making this into something bigger than it is. Remember how wound up you got before H came home on leave and how good it was. Seriously, I know I am hitting you with a bit of a 2x4 but you KNOW I know what this addiction is like. C'mon girl, what you are doing is good.
(((((Hugs to you))))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Would I tell? Yes. If he's worth a nickel he'll be supportive and impressed that you're tackling this problem head-on.
I'm certainly no addiction expert but I have worked in a methadone program in the past. The funny thing is that the people took well to being tapered to almost zero, but going from "almost zero" to "completely zero" was where we lost many of them. There was too much fear in a life completely without the drug.
Hydrocodone is a quintessential woman's drug. Leaves no nasty track marks, and at least at first seems to improve functioning and not impair it. It appears to give us that "boost" of energy with a "calm" mind that's so elusive to many who try to juggle motherhood, wife-hood and work. It takes a while for the drug to show its true face, and by that a time most people are already in its clutches.
I took it myself for a few days after some dental work. Noticed the mood-lifting and mind-calming effect, and thought .... dangerous. Very very dangerous. That it is a Schedule III as a compound drug is beyond my comprehension.
Go do the rehab, perhaps get on an antidepressant, and then whatever you do change your routines. People who do something different with their time than when they were using seem to have an easier time forging new brain circuits.
