What's this about...??

[bombardier50]

Saffie, no worries. I knew you were busy. Talk to you later.

Sleep, I agree with you on both counts...probably a combination of anger and conflict.

I'm feeling a lot of pain and fear right now, so this will be a long vent...sorry.

Sleep, the similarities continue to amaze me. A year ago this month, right before we really started to slide into MLCland, we had a night of extraordinary passion. Truly memorable. Later, when I brought that up, she told me it was just a "pity f__k", which, of course, crushed me at the time. And unfortunately, that night is just another one of those excruciatingly painful pictures I can't seem to get out of my head.

You mentioned on your last post on your thread that you were paralyzed by fear at one time. I think I'm at that stage right now. I hope it ends soon. It's all I think about during the day...over and over. I can't seem to create any pictures in my head that depict me living a happy life as a single man again.

Even though things are going very smoothly with us right now, I just have this sense of impending doom. I can't find any optimism to carry me through a day. I wake up at three am and watch the clock, dreading another day filled with sadness, fear, and uncertainty. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

As an aside, my barber went through a divorce a few years ago. He had several clients who were "mental health professionals". When he was going through his divorce, he said he kept asking them about the symptoms of a nervous breakdown, because he was pretty sure he was having one.

I feel some resentment, too, for the amount of power I've allowed her to wield over my feelings. I've allowed her behavior to create these miserable emotions in me. Maybe some cognitive therapy would help. And until then, I'm going to beg the doc for some pills.

Ha. Here I am, the guy who in the past wouldn't even take aspirin for a headache, about to beg a doc for something that will turn me into a zombie...