Please help me!! My wife wants out!

[steve477]

I have read some posts on this forum and they have really helped me. I now feels compelled to write my own, to see if people can give me any hope.
I am on my lunch break, so must be quick.
I am british and my wife is not. We live in the uk. We have been married 2 years, togehter for 5, I am 27 she is 30. My age has always been a problem for her as she see me as being less mature because of my age. Having less experience.
My wife has always had a couple of pet nags at me, like the fact that I gained a fair bit of weight since we met, and I am kinda messy. I always put this down to the tradional `she needs something to complain about`. I thought I was being a good husband, now I see I was just not being a bad one. About a year ago she started a new job in a large company, she was made up and so was I as she had only been in temporary jobs since we arrived in this country. She threw herself into her job, as I knew she would. Working long hours as I knew she would. And kinda putting this job, and her new friends above me, as I knew she would... I wasnt overly bothered as I knew things would settle down eventually. Long story short. About last August she started to get more stressed. I thought it was just the work, but seems there was another guy there who she was connecting with more than me. He is older than her, 39 I think (so therefore more mature and having more experience than me)! As things got slowly worse between me and wife, I didnt realise that I was kinda making this guy look all the better for me looking worse. Anyway we had been trying for a baby for about 12 months with no luck, my wife got down about this and read things into it, like we are not meant to be together or something. After December we decided to take a break from baby making. (OUr sex life had become stuck in quite a rut too). The week before Christmas, she finally broke down and told me there was this guy that she was drawn to in work. We went on holiday over christmas, and it was not so good, as we were forced to be together alot more than usual, at a time when we were haveing our worst ever fights. I have since found out she was emailing the guy the whole time. She later admitted that she had kissed him in the weeks running up to christmas. I forgave her. She then became pregnant, so I was made up. Later still it turns out she had sex with him before christmas too, he made the advance but she didnt reject him. (So did we, and the dates make it very likely to be my baby, but not conclusive). She told him she was pregnant, and he told her than he cant give her what she wants (as he is also married, although also in a troubled marriage) He already has a kid who he loves very much. I told my wife i wanted the baby, I dont care about the DNA, it IS my child! She was happy about that. So she thinks that I will make a great Dad, but not sure about me as a husband anymore. She is talking about separation soon, maybe a few months later (we have to sort out her Visa in March, so cant separate before then). She also talks about divorce. Says she doesnt love me as much as I love her, and maybe not in love with me anymore (still things we are kinda soulmates, love me as a best friend). She knows she cant have this guy, and I think she wont cheat again, as she was very sorry about it. But I cant help wonder what she would choose if this guy came to her and told her he wants a relationship (which he doesnt at the moment) I told her I thought he had used her, as he in the middle of a bad marriage, and in midlife crisis years, and my wife is quite beatiful, so is quite a trophy for him. She said he might have, but she doesnt think so. We are still living togehter, planning to bring the child up together (even though separate houses). I love her so much, I dont have any friends around here, so I kinda fixated on her last year, kinda smothered her. She is my first true love and my only adult long term relationship. She says I should go out and have sex with other girls for the experience (to make me a better lover). Now we dont chat as easily as we used to, I am trying not to bring up `seious`stuff. Trying to give her some space. I have joined a gym, and lost 8kgs since christmas (stress is great for a diet!!) I really dont want to lose her, especially with achild on the way. I cant ask her to quit her job as she wouldnt like that at all. I know she still emails him and sends text messages on her phone. If they were just friends then fine, but because of what happened I dont know. She has changed her email password and I think opened up a new account too. Last week we opened separate bank accounts. I would love to avoid separation if possible. Is there any case where a separation can be benifical? I will do anything to keep her in my life!!! Any thoughts or advice really welcome.