Now that you're at the point where you're no longer afraid of facing life without her and going through all the hassle involved, but you're not yet committed to pulling the trigger, I think it's the perfect time to give her every last scrap of information she could possibly get about who you are and what you need and so forth. Give her everything you once held back because you were afraid of how she'd react.
If I were you, I would email her a link to this forum, include a basic primer on how to search for past postings on it, and sign the email "hairdog". The ultimate "radical honesty" move.
Maybe she'll come around. Maybe she won't. But at least you can say you gave her every chance to and every bit of data that could possibly lead her to work with you.
I think this would also be a good move for haphazard and maybe karen1.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
