I understand where you're coming from. One cannot rule out the possibility of psychological/emotional abuse out of hand, and no one here seeks to minimize it if that is the case.
But neither can one, on the other hand, assume there is or has been such abuse automatically, just because someone says so. And when you're dealing with someone whose entire personality has changed and their lies and deceit have been on an order of magnitude beyond the pathological, you have to consider that maybe they're words on this allegation don't really hold much weight.
I know being oneself a victim you're inclined to place your sympathies with the accuser, but you have to also consider the source. The WAS involved in an adulterous relationship is high on the endorphines/dopamine resulting from the affair "in love" euphoria. They're very much like drug addicts, whose entire life's drive is to get their next "fix", damn the consequences. Some will indeed lie and bear false witness against their spouse if that's what it takes to get what they want.
