A different approach from me, since the others have said what they've said so well...
I'm hoping you are serious about leaving your wife and the relationship alone for the foreseeable future. It's incredibly unhealthy for you. Your latest long post reads like a primer of what NOT to do for any newcomer to this board. Here's why.
1. You come across as needy, clingy, dependent.
Quote:
...if I had it to do over I would have made sure that we stayed in counseling and did the work we needed to do as individuals, and together, so we could get past the fears of asking for what we want.
Quote:
...I asked her how she felt about me...
Quote:
...I really needed help and support for my self esteem and anxiety but didn't reach out and ask for it because I thought I could fix myself, and I was ashamed that I was 'broken'.
2. You fall into the trap of buying into their BS.
Quote:
She says that she thinks I never felt 'safe' in our relationship and I told her that has been true for the past many years ...
Quote:
I told her I believed we could make it work if we would actually DO something but she is 'done'.
3. Your own attitude goes into the crapper.
Quote:
...but now I have to deal with her leaving so of course I'm not going to be fun
Quote:
I don't understand the need to make 'peace' ...
Quote:
I also don't understand what 'letting you go' means
Quote:
Feeling kind of sad, quiet, introspective
Relationship talk is bad. Particularly with a spouse who is not making much sense, at least in the rational world sense of the word.
I still agree with Amy, and have stated as much to you, that you need a break from your wife. It doesn't sound like the two of you will be separating in the near future, so I really think you should consider strongly taking at least a weekend away.
Use the time to do your introspection, chart your course for YOUR immediate future, maybe even do some of the spiritual exploration that it sounds like you might be starting.
Most of all, get away from the distraction that is your wife. Recharge your "Frank" batteries so that you can come home armed and equipped to make your way through the next several months.
It sucks Frank, but the truth is that there isn't much in the way of nourishment for you in this relationship right now anyway. Doesn't sound like there has been any for quite some time.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
