"Things aren't going to get any better if you deny your role in the whole thing." For the record, I have never denied my role. This is ludicrous. I'm the one that wants to go to counseling. I'm the one that wants to work on the relationship. She's the one who avoided me for a year. She's the one who maintains a relationship with OM and says it means nothing. In the this-would-be-funny-except-that-its-true department, the last time she spoke to me about our relationship, she told me, none of the "recover your relationship" books applied to us, because the ONLY ONE WHO NEEDED TO CHANGE WAS ME. See? See how that works? She can say she doesn't need to change, and then in the next breath she says I am the one denying my role. See? Just look into this funhouse mirror, you'll see how it is. And no matter how many times I accept my role, it doesn't stick. She continues to say I am denying it.
"I have been scared. Scared that you will hurt me or kill me and/or yourself." I don't know what to say to this. She is the one who was medicated for suicidal thoughts. I never indicated this. I never hinted I wanted to hurt or kill anyone. I never threatened. I didn't walk around the house scowling or stomping. I never said "you don't want to see me angry" or any other such veiled threats. I've never said "One of these days! Bang! Zoom! To the moon!" She called me every name in the book, repeatedly. and I have never once done it. ok, once! the night I found out about the affair, I called her a whore. what a night.
"It's always been your way or the highway." Again, this is ridiculous. I can't believe she can even say this. think of one major thing where this is the case. We bought a new minivan when we had the 4th child. I told her, "you'll be the one driving it. I suggest you drive em all, and pick the one you want." She picked the most expensive one. Did I complain? Raise an eyebrow? No. She was worried about the expense, and I told her, "Look, you're going to be in this vehicle a lot. You may as well like it!" She wanted the option package, with the leather seats, but thought it was too expensive. I told her we'd get it anyway. She wanted Red, I liked Silver. Guess which color we got? When I ordered the car, she honestly didn't believe me that I ordered Red. I don't get it.
When we went on vacation, it was always a joint decision thing. The last 2 houses we lived in, she picked and I agreed. She ran the household expenses. I never even checked them. It was not my way or the highway. It was "I trust you completely." I recall specifically the conversation we had about household finances. We talked about how to handle the checking account, whether I should do it or she should. She said she'd be writing most of the checks, and paying the bills, and she'd just manage it. I agreed with that plan. I used to tell her, from time to time, "Let me know if you want my help on that." Really.
When she picked paint colors for the hosue, and I didn't like 'em, I painted the house that color anyway. When she wanted to go big on a home remodel, and I thought it was too expensive, guess what we did? When she wanted a 4th child and I thought we should count our blessings with 3, guess what we did?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
