Newbie needs advice with MLC wife

[familyman dave]

Brief history of my situation:
I started another thread back in late Dec but don’t know how to retrieve so some of this is a repeat. This is my second post. Have been married for 31 years. Has been a somewhat up & down marriage. Started joint MC in early summer of ’07 – at W’s suggestion. C suggested IC for both. Was very helpful for me and I am continuing C. W attended maybe 3 or 4 sessions and had various reasons not to continue and then stopped. Informed me in late Sept she is moving out and needed a few months to decide how she wants to do. Said she loves me but is not in love with me. Said we should never have gotten married in the first place (took 31 years to figure that out!!). Said there is no passion in the marriage. (BTW – Kids are all grown and no longer at home – we were both going thru empty nest syndrome). 3 weeks later informed me she wants a divorce. Is pretty much avoiding her own family (mom and sisters. They don’t understand what she is doing. She made a number of comments how even her family is supporting me not her when she feels she is the victim???? Our own kids are very upset with her. My priest referred me to this website. I have read DB and had 2 telephone counseling sessions. Was told W is going thru MLC. Received D papers in mid Dec. Made my first post shortly thereafter. Was advised to read thru the MLC resources and read thru the other MLC threads (there is alot of great advice). Seems like she is following much of the same script (The MLCers must have a site they go to for the script) Meanwhile I have contacted a cousin who is a family law lawyer. Have been advised on signing acknowledgement of receipt of D papers and how to file a response. The first couple of months there was very little communication. Since around Thanksgiving W has been contacting me somewhat frequently by phone or email ( I think she was getting lonely and depressed based on comments she made and just how she acted). At her request we have went out for dinner usually once a week since then. We spent a large part of Christmas Eve and day together with our kids and grandkids. We have been getting together for 1 reason or another at least twice a week at her request. I just want to give her space and I never bring up the R. The wanting to get together frequently is very confusing although I am glad – it gives me hope (maybe false hope). She acts as if things are normal but on more than 1 occasion she has made comments referring to “after we are divorced”??? Meanwhile I have started an exercise program since mid Oct. It has helped immensely with relieving stress and sleep. I have put on a lot of weight over the years and it is helping big time with that too (no pun intended). She was renting a room from a coworker and her family. They now need the room she was renting for another family member and have asked her to move. She asked me yesterday for money for first/last for an apartment and furnishings. This is the first time she has asked for anything since the separation. I don’t think she can afford the apt and related expenses but doesn’t realize it. I think this may lead to future requests. So far there has been no mention of temporary spousal support. There are other options but one of her complaints about me have been about control issues so I am hesitant about suggesting them and I realize that if the D goes thru some of the money she is requesting is her rightful share. I did ask her to send me an email acknowledging that is coming out of her share. I have not touched any of our assets since this all started and will not until I am legally directed. I am trying to make changes for myself – I have a long way to go. I don’t know if the frequent contact is a good idea since it appears to not be making a difference in her ultimate goal. This is all happening too fast. Any advice? Sorry for the long thread.

FMD