It is so hard now. I am continually stunned at the degree of hatred and irrational fear this woman now has for me. Just when I think it can't possibly get worse, it does.
The strain of this is so great. But, yes, thanks for reminding me that my mood is really in my own hands. When W tells me she is now perfectly peaceful and content with me out of her life, and only ever gets disturbed now when she sees or talks to me, I can say the same about her -- if I don't ever have anything to say or do with her, I am just fine. But one bad conversation with her and I feel the lead weights of depression trying to bring me down.
I now recently have come to the realization of why I became so depressed years ago, and W is a root cause. The question on my mind is which came first -- my depression or her withdrawal of her love and respect from me? Which caused the other?
I know. Quit trying to ponder the unanswerable.
Husband, you've got the patience of a saint. The comment about your wife and your dog was pretty funny. I suspect you feel that it is still not far off the mark, even if exaggeration.
Mc, I don't know what I would have done without these forums and my DC group. I have told my W I want 50% or as close as we can get to that. At first she took it in only slightly surprised, but receptive. Since then, however, she has slowly come up with one excuse after another why it wouldn't work, calling it too disruptive, too difficult to manage, etc. Now she's claiming I am unfit for anything beyond basic visitation.
Lwb, Heaven knows I would never put up with this pain like I do were it not for my S's. I am frequently reminded of Nietzsche's saying, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." I sometimes think W just wants me dead.
