Real Growing and Healing 2

[frank_D]

I can personally vouch for the fact that sometimes you have to give them what they want, before they realize it's not what they want.

Yes, I read your thread. The question is 'how many times do you have to give it to them?' and 'When do you know it isn't what they want'?

A mystery.

[frank_D]

self esteem is so low and my need to control is so high

If I had a degree I'd say the two were tied together.

I'll say it without that degree.

I get your point...

[frank_D]

I'm puzzled about her

FRANK, SHE'S A PUZZLE THAT'S MISSING A FEW PIECES SO STOP TRYING TO PUT HER TOGETHER!!!

Ok! Ok! I hear you!

[Drew]

How many times? As many times as you're strong enough to give.

When do you know it isn't what they want? You'll know.

[theoden]

Frank,

I think AmyC is picking up the same thing I am:

Your wife doesn't have the courage to leave.

She can't support herself -- she probably never will.

She seems flighty and tumble-weed like.

She lacks gravitas.

Don't listen to her. It's static. I think if you could turn her volume button off, you would fare much better.

Frank will blossom, grow and become more powerful.

Phoenix-like, he'll rise from the ashes.

His luminous strength will radiate out.

We will all be wowed!!!

Hey, sailor wanna put on that orange spandex outfit and go horseback riding with me in Montana?

[frank_D]

Maybe she doesn't have the 'courage to leave' and has to 'let me go', meaning she has to create within herself 'the courage to leave'.

But, does she have the 'courage' or 'desire' within her to stay if/when she sees her role in this? Or is it simply not there, because she is 'done'

[frank_D]

Frank will blossom, grow and become more powerful.

Phoenix-like, he'll rise from the ashes.

A funny note. When I first move away from the town where I had started and lost control of my business I named my Workstation computer 'phoenix' for that very reason.

A few months ago I changed it to 'Daedalus'. Don't ask me why. Guess it was because it was the name of the ship on Stargate. Daedalus was Icarus' father.

[frank_D]

Been doing some reading and here is something that resonates with me.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, 'To him that hath shall be given. And from him that hath not, shall be taken away even that which he has.' As long as a man is wallowing in self-pity and saying, 'I don't have. I don't have. I don't have,' he doesn't get anything. Jesus said the key is to develop a have-consciousness.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Maybe she doesn't have the 'courage to leave' and has to 'let me go', meaning she has to create within herself 'the courage to leave'.

But, does she have the 'courage' or 'desire' within her to stay if/when she sees her role in this? Or is it simply not there, because she is 'done'

Maybe.

Maybe one of my boys grows up, decides he is gay, brings his boyfriend home to meet me and my wife over Thanksgiving break...Tehn maybe they tell us that they got married in Switzerland...Maybe my wife will take that better than me.

Everything for you is hypothetical.

You are wasting your thoughts and time on what-ifs.
Your "What-If's" are riding shot gun on everything you do, while the part of you that should be focusing on the sh it you say you need to focus on is tied up and in the trunk of the burning car.

Your questions posed about the mental make-up of your wife...NO ONE here can answer. NOT you either, cause you jump to conclusions the way Frogger jumps across a virtual road. Your wife isn't going to give you an answer, or better yet if she does, your going to anaylyse it to death, revive it and anyalyse it to death again.


You want control, stop worrying about her. Stop wondering if her breathing just changed because you entered the room. And if you cannot stop wondering, we don't have the answers as to why.

June is fast approaching.

Stop telling me you get it, or you're right.

Once you stop obessing about your wife here, I'll believe it.

[AmyC]

Maybe she doesn't have the 'courage to leave' and has to 'let me go', meaning she has to create within herself 'the courage to leave'.

Frank, let me paint this picture for you.

While not discounting the fact that your wife is surely hurt by what she perceives to be the end of a long-term relationship, and not discounting the feelings she has for you, and ALSO keeping in mind that financial difficulties DO make your wife feel insecure, what I believe that bottom line really is with the BS she's spitting out ("trying to let you go")is mostly this:

"I'm struggling to let go of my meal ticket, my security blanket, in the hope that I can find someone else to take better care of me or I can take better care of myself".

That's what I think your wife really struggles with because if she had any sense at all she would be taking appropriate steps to render herself financially independent. The fact that she is not doing that is proof positive that she hasn't got the sense the good Lord gave a goose. She lives in fantasy land. She's not happy where she is but Frank, that has LESS to with you than it does with her tendency to seek prince charming and other fairy tales. Your wife is an 8 year old trapped in the body of a woman. I really believe that it is going to take attendance at the school of hard knocks for her to grab a clue.

YOU meanwhile, need to knock off the phychological evals.

Simply put the deal is this: Your wife needs to grow up and YOU can not raise her.


Now Frank, watching you flitting around is becoming a chore so I'm going to hit you with some additional knowledge. With all your intellect you really are clueless yourself. I have some news for you and it is this: You are not your wife's best hope. You are also not your own only hope. Leaning on your own understanding and ability to reason is what GOT YOU INTO THIS MESS. I suggest you try something else such as THIS .

Now you should know that is okay to acknowledge Him even if you're not sure about Him.

Just start talking.

I dare you.

In fact, I double dog dare you.