Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[SirPrizeMe]

By the way, one of my options for responding to her packet of information, is to register myself for one of the domestic violence or anger management programs. Her chief complaint about me, currently, is that I was abusive to her for 20 years, and only now is she seeing it.

Let me be very clear that W and I do not agree on this point. The DV and abuse talk only started last year, while she was still in contact with OM, but living in the house with me. This is when OM started dating, and I'm guessing when the "he is my soulmate" illusion was shattered. There's no protection order now, and there's never been a police response to our house for any reason. There's never been a doctor report or hospital visit. To be clear, she says I am a "batterer" but focuses on "emotional abuse."

So one of the options is for me to enter one of these programs voluntarily. I am wary of the stigma, and the implications it might have on my custody rights, should we divorce. Also I am concerned that I am responding rationally to what sure smells like MLC spew to me. Everything is all my fault, you see.