BJ and others maybe you can give me some advice. I have been doing a really good job of not calling, detaching with love all the DB stuff. Things have gotten really cordial with H and I. Anyway, he has been calling quite a bit, almost daily. I see him daily because he comes to get S. Yesterday, I sent H a note about tracking up the floors when he came to drop son off. He responded with "I love u 2". I know he was being a smart ass. This past Sunday all of us went to a movie (more than we have done in some time). Then yesterday he wanted to talk about the death of Heath Ledger. I engaged him a bit and got off the phone. Today, he wanted to talk about work stuff so I engaged him a bit, but he heard my cell phone ringing and I said I needed to take that call. Here is where I am kind of bothered. First he reamed me out about not answering my phone and being unavailable. We used to fight about this all the time. Before it was not intentional and now it is (little does he know). The other thing he said was that perhaps he should not come and see S on Saturdays. It is getting really hard making the daily trek here from here to his mom's daily. It takes about an hour. He said he needed at least one day to just be able to go straight home and relax. I understand, and even suggested to him some time ago about not coming on Saturday since he takes S on Sunday to sepend two days with him. It seemed pointless to me, but when I suggested it he did not want to go for it. Now he does. I said if it was really hard on him maybe he wanted to take a few other days off during the week. I have child care covered so it is not mandatory that he come every, single day. He said no that he wanted to see S everyday and always be a part of his life. I am not quite sure why it made me sad, but it did. I know we are not supposed to over analyze, but it is so hard not to do when you don't know WTF they are thinking. On one hand things have been going great (he suggested the movie not me). He called to talk about work the way he used to and he even said "M, I am not going to lie to you it's getting hard." Yet, the not coming on Saturday hurts. Partially, it hurts because he said he always wanted to be a part of S's life as if there is a chance he might not be. It kind of hurt because it seemed like we were making strides and this feels like a setback and it kind of hurt because Saturday is a date night and not that he couldn't have been out dating before, at least he had S on his mind to kind of give him a reality check. He always left by 5pm so plenty of time to still go out. Part of me is wondering if he is testing the waters. The "old" me would have given him grief the new me just said "OK". Any thoughts? I did not call H back, I stayed upbeat, I am even thinking it might be a good thing. At least one day away from S might make him miss his family and I don't know what he is doing, but he does not what I am doing either. I plan on being very unvailable to him on Saturday when he calls, in fact if I can muster up the energy after working that will be a fun night for S and I. Any thoughts anyone has would be appreciated. I stayed in DB mode, but I still felt down after getting off the phone with him.
