Needing guidance, 2nd attempt

[houndfan]

MC....

I appreciate Fishman's endorsement of my plight. So in a nutshell, I was there where you are almost to a tee. Some slight differences in my sitch and your's but overall the same flavor.

I have never figured out how to post my thread links on my sig so you may want to search my stuff and read away.

Here is some quick advice that I would have for you other than what is obbvious:

1) Affirm everything. This does not mean that you need to sell out, but affirm her feelings about you, the weather, the preident EVERYTHING at this point. I am still doing this and it is so helpful. There are times when you will feel it is "right" to offer more than affirmation but be cautious.

2) Listen to her...really! This was one thing that Dom really pushed into my head. This means listen to her verbal ques as well as non-verbal. She will tell you what she wants and how she wants it. So start to pay attention to her cues.

3) Accept the reality of the situation... I think this is where many of us screw up. Face it man, you are seperated and on your way to a D. There is no way to sugar coat the obvious! The reality of your sitch is that your life is screwed up, your marriage is failing, your child is suffering, your job will suffer etc etc etc. There are some on this board whom subscribe to the positive thoughts school. I disagree, my situation changed dramatically once I accepted the possibility of my situation! Does that make any sense to you? Accept that one day this may all be over and you will be starting again, feel the pain and burn. Become one with that and then....

4) Don't give up... you will see so many mistakes in my posts that one would think would be deal breakers. I can not tell you how many times my sitch became so heated that I thought for sure she would just disappear with my kids. But, even after some of those mistakes, I took inventory of what I was working for and keep at it.

5) Lastly - - - Focus on what works and change quickly what doesn't. I am not sure that DB'ing is the same for every person. Every marriage is different, every person is different etc. Once you read my posts you will realize that I am the last person who should have made it back in the house and back in my wife's life. I was a jerk, a liar, a cheat, an a hole, you name it I have done it. Please don't respond with "But Hound I did this and this and there is no way she'll forgive me etc." BS dude, because I have done it all to my wife and I am still kicking!

The difference is I have focused on what works! I have changed when it hasn't and I have made darn sure that I am making an concerted effort to fix me first. My marriage has been a by product of me getting my stuff together. Also, please don't think that my progress was made in the 8 weeks I was seperated as I began to see my IC 7 months ago. So I would love to offer you the quick plan to save your seperation in 8 weeks but it just does not work that way!

So, read through my posts. I travel more now that I did before so I have a hard time getting on the site but a few times a week, but I will keep an eye on you.

You can make this if YOU want to!

Do or do not there is no try (for other Star Wars dorks out there).

Good Luck!

Hound!

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