I had this same experience when I was on the hydrocodone. I was a totally blissed-out flower child. Very pleasant. I loved everybody, even bf's mom. I don't dare ever take that drug again.
(from Chrome's thread, but responding to my post about being addicted to pain meds)
WELL EVERYBODY, Red has taken some drastic steps here. My hands are sweating just thinking about it. Long story, short, I've been on some sort of hydrocodone - Lortab, Vicodin, whatever - for approx 5 months straight now. It just worked out that way & I didn't fight it. I DID have med conditions that warranted it "at times," however, didn't turn it away and kind of "made sure" I kept going while I could, if you know what I mean.
ANYWAY, I finally broke yesterday. Well, now that I'm being honest about it all, I pretty much had to, b/c I'm finally at the end here -- can't get anymore from anywhere and I am either going to go cold turkey or get some help. I chose GET SOME HELP and, however much it sucks, I may have to do the cold turkey thing, but at least I'll have some sort of help w/ it.
I actually went to my boss who has "strings" all over town and was able to get a number for some lady who is going to help me. He got her name from a doc he knows -- I don't have any idea who this lady is or what she does, something about being my mentor. All I care about is getting help.
Soooo, that's where I'm at.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Oh, and I didn't mention that I did call this lady and I'm going to meet w/ her TONIGHT. Yes, Red is serious here. I have way too much to lose and it's time I take care of this. I've known for too long that I *needed to,* but didn't want to/wasn't ready to.
Here's my other deal though -- I haven't told H. I'm almost scared to. I don't know if I'm going to or not, depending on how this pans out. I guess part of me is embarrassed and part of me is worried that he would be able to use this against me at some point. But then there's the thought and I'm sure someone will bring it up -- what if he finds out somehow?
I don't know -- thoughts on this? How to tell him? Tell him over the phone -- I think I should just wait until he gets home and he doesn't have to worry about it and/or me or the boys, etc. Oh and honestly this has not affected the boys in any way! The pain meds don't "space me out" or anything like I was smoking pot or something. They just give me this "zing" that helps me get out of bed in the a.m. I know, I know, sounds like an underlying major depression issue, huh?
Man, I'm a mess!!! Maybe this will make some of you others feel like your life is Disney Land
Last edited by RedHeadWife; 01/23/0809:26 PM.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I think in your situation, I would tell him, but for his sake not until he is back and you can do it in person. I think I would really have a tough time knowing my wife was going through this and not being able to do anything in person to help.
I am glad you are getting help and wish you the best. Be tough and know the next few weeks will suck, but will eventually end.
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Yeah, that's what I've decided to do. I don't think there's any reason to tell him until he gets home. I hate that I even considered not telling him at all. I guess that's just one of those "after affects" of our whole D sitch. The "what if's" -- what if he decides to get a D later and uses it against me. What if THAT is something that makes him want to D me again?
Of course, I'm VERY scared right now, however, I do know in my heart & mind (somewhere) that of course I'll be fine and better in the long run. I noticed more & more the meds affecting my moods. I think that's one of the biggest reasons I've been in this funk for so long. Not only am I down b/c I know I'm an addict and need to get off of them, but they have more & more begun affecting my moods in a "downer" way. They also seem to make me kind of an "angry" person -- not terribly bad, but I've still noticed it.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Again, hang in there as it will get worse before it gets better.
As far as your fear of telling your husband, I understand it, but I think that given your other improvements it may also have the opposite effect and bring you closer. Don't assume the worse.
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Hey Girl, I'm sorry I haven't been around much for support. We've had some major, major happenings at home that have kept me strung out. Sorry that you are going through this. I'm gonna shoot you an e-mail now that ours is finally working right. I want to know how things went tonight if you want to talk.
I think you're on the right track; keep your H. in the loop, but wait 'till he gets home. UNLESS something really comes unstuck in the process and he NEEDS to know; keep an open mind about where you are as you go through this, and keep someone IRL that you trust apprised, too. Does your personal physician know about this? someone medically trained should surely be in the loop, IMHO, although I'll admit that I know nothing about coming off this kind of addiction....
Best wishes.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
RHW, first of all calm down. While I was coming off the hydrocodone (which is in vicodin and vicoprofen) I did a lot of internet research. DO NOT GO COLD TURKEY!!! It is NOT worth the misery you will feel-- DO NOT DO IT. You must taper off.
And don't paint yourself as a bad evil drug addict. I read that you can become physically addicted to hydrocodone in as little as FIVE DAYS. It would be impossible IMHO to be on it as long as you have been without becoming dependent. Do you really see that? This is not some character defect on your part. This is a perfectly predictable physical reaction that millions of people have had to this drug to greater or lesser degrees.
And no, your doctor is not likely to warn you about this in advance. When I got the hydrocodone prescription at the ER after I broke my ankle, I was taking one at bedtime. After the surgery, the doc said to take TWO EVERY FOUR HOURS. What did I know; I did it. He didn't say, "BTW, you're likely to become dependent on this rather fast, so when you're ready to come off of it, talk to me." And when I was in the process of coming off of it and I saw him for a regular ankle checkup, I said, "That hydrocodone is a b!tch to come off of," he just nodded gravely.
Yeah, tell your H, but don't blow this thing out of proportion. You have been on some meds and now you want to get off. The getting off period might take some time and might be unpleasant, but you will do it.
Yes, you can do this, but BE SMART ABOUT IT. Taper off. Research this drug. Get on that message board and talk to people who know what you're going through. DON'T GO COLD TURKEY!! It may take a long time to come off... maybe months, maybe just weeks. Be patient and be easy on yourself.
Yeah, that's what I've decided to do. I don't think there's any reason to tell him until he gets home. I hate that I even considered not telling him at all. I guess that's just one of those "after affects" of our whole D sitch. The "what if's" -- what if he decides to get a D later and uses it against me. What if THAT is something that makes him want to D me again?
Of course, I'm VERY scared right now, however, I do know in my heart & mind (somewhere) that of course I'll be fine and better in the long run. I noticed more & more the meds affecting my moods. I think that's one of the biggest reasons I've been in this funk for so long. Not only am I down b/c I know I'm an addict and need to get off of them, but they have more & more begun affecting my moods in a "downer" way. They also seem to make me kind of an "angry" person -- not terribly bad, but I've still noticed it.
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I dislike hydrocodone intensely, it's extremely addictive and people usually just slide into it. Be prepared for, in no particular order:
# intense cravings for the drug # irritability # nausea or vomiting # muscle aches # runny nose or eyes # dilated pupils # sweating # diarrhea # yawning # fevers # chills # inability to sleep # depression
The nice thing about opioids is that withdrawal is usually not life-threatening. You'll feel like crap, but it won't kill you. Benzodiazepins and other friendly substances that can cause seizures can't be quit cold turkey. Hydrocodone can. But pretty it ain't. If there's a way to talk to your doctor and taper it it might be easier on you. That's up to you.
