Real Growing and Healing 2

[AmyC]

Feeling kind of sad, quiet, introspective.

Well you might as well throw pissed off into your list of feelings I reckon because I'm just gonna tell you, the only thing I could think of as I read about your conversation with your wife is "Holy crap. If Frank could fill her head up with dimes, he'd be rich".

And that she had the AU-friggin-DACITY to say "I feel like I'm letting you go, and I don't have to worry any more that I have to take care of you, or fix you" just about sent me right around the bend.

I have never, EVER seen, heard of or read of another adult living in such a delusional state of mind. That she feels no sense of responsibility for the finances or anything else in your family makes me want to SCREAM. She is worse than I ever was. She needs to make "peace" during this "transition" so you'll foot the majority of the damn bill! I am sorry but her nicey-nice fluff-n-stuff demeanor is really starting to smell manipulative to me. Only thing is I'm not sure she's smart enough to BE manipulative.

Keep working on yourself, Frank.

Your wife needs a reality check but I think it's going to have to be from someone a bit higher up than you.

I also can't understand why you'd stand there and ask her how she feels about you. What is it you want to hear?

I wish, I REALLY WISH, you would not engage in these conversations with you. They just mess you up, whether you see it or not. I'm telling you, you still need to go away alone for a few days like I told you in the beginning.

Just do it.

[frank_D]

Ok Amy I understand your opinion. But don't you think she is AFRAID to 'let me go'?

I mean, she was serious about being sorry for the hurt she says she caused. And she cannot say how she feels when I ask her. Just that she has to 'work on' letting me go which implies that she has NOT 'let me go' yet.

And that relationship has been in this state for a long time so the RELATIONSHIP needs to end.

What's that all about?

By the way, I know I need to 'let her go' so I can heal myself. I'm just confused.

[AmyC]

Yes, I think she is afraid.
But I think the biggest thing she is afraid of is standing on her own two feet. I don't think she can pull it off.

Frank, I hear so much BS coming out of her mouth in regards to the dissolution of your marriage that it's mind-numbing.
The woman is JUSTIFYING.
And she's trying her damnedest to get you to buy into her BS justifications.

But the skinny is this: She is ignorant and she is prideful. That is a dangerous combination. Because it most assuredly means she's going to jump and land flat on her face. Under these conditions though, I believe it is necessary. It's the only way she'll learn to appreciate the life she has now. Unfortunately, it is likely she'll be appreciating it in hindsight. Frank, she might have to go for a few months. I still think at times that she should leave now...

So when are you going to STOP worrying about HER and get on with worrying about YOURSELF??!!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

sometime in June... if this keeps up.

[frank_D]

Yes, I think she is afraid.
But I think the biggest thing she is afraid of is standing on her own two feet. I don't think she can pull it off.

Frank, I hear so much BS coming out of her mouth in regards to the dissolution of your marriage that it's mind-numbing.
The woman is JUSTIFYING.
And she's trying her damnedest to get you to buy into her BS justifications.

Ok, but WHY? Because she doesn't have the feelings for me any longer to BE in the marriage? Yeah, we can go down the 'wedding vows are being violated' path but that's a dead horse already. WHY does she have to 'work on letting me go'? I would think that's EASY given the fact that I'm such a mean Ogre, she's been such a 'mean person' (which she is sorry for).

I don't buy into her 'justifying', I told her that giving up is not my choice because I believe we have potential. That's how I feel.

But the skinny is this: She is ignorant and she is prideful. That is a dangerous combination. Because it most assuredly means she's going to jump and land flat on her face. Under these conditions though, I believe it is necessary. It's the only way she'll learn to appreciate the life she has now. Unfortunately, it is likely she'll be appreciating it in hindsight. Frank, she might have to go for a few months. I still think at times that she should leave now...

Maybe 'ignorant' is close but 'prideful' I don't see in her. If anything she is discouraged. And being 'supported' by people who do not see the whole picture - just hers.

So when are you going to STOP worrying about HER and get on with worrying about YOURSELF??!!

I'm worried about myself. I'm puzzled about her.

[Drew]

Frank,

I gotta chime in here: You have GOT to stop trying to figure her out. You can't. You won't. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to do it.

You are going to have to trust these wise people who are TRYING to give you advice.

You might be amazed what happens when you let go.

[frank_D]

I gotta chime in here: You have GOT to stop trying to figure her out. You can't. You won't. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to do it.

You are going to have to trust these wise people who are TRYING to give you advice.

You might be amazed what happens when you let go.

I'm ready to be amazed. This is not easy when my self esteem is so low and my need to control is so high.

I'm doing it.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

self esteem is so low and my need to control is so high

If I had a degree I'd say the two were tied together.

I'll say it without that degree.

[AmyC]

I'm puzzled about her

FRANK, SHE'S A PUZZLE THAT'S MISSING A FEW PIECES SO STOP TRYING TO PUT HER TOGETHER!!!

[Drew]

I can personally vouch for the fact that sometimes you have to give them what they want, before they realize it's not what they want.