well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

Thanks ACJ, I've also to think of all scenarios: if we end up D, if he ends up realizing he doesn't want me while S, in which case I would've been spared the facade he's put up for so long (plus the lies). I thought to myself "could I begin again piecing with all my heart after all these mess knowing he was talked/convinced into trying again?" No, something needs to happen, and that has to come from him without my insistence.

If after is said and done my H is just not going to be happy with me and just can't love me and can't devote himself as I've devoted myself to him, then perhaps a permanent separation is what needs to happen. Thank you again, I know you want to spare me from a fantasy dream that he will put himself together and come back to me, I realize that that may or may not happen.

people can only regret thier own actions and not those of another

I need to remember that, he has a choice.