I feel for you. I'm in exactly the same spot. Just found out about A last week and spent the weekend rethinking all the DRing I've been doing. All my goals, my recognition of small steps, everything out the window. That one small section in DR is the only thing that addresses what I can do.
My WAW has gotten steadily more adamant about not working on M, though, and has now started saying she wants a D, so even though I'm fighting hard for my M, I think this may be the only avenue open to me. The MC I went to, who was solution-focused and really good, said I had 2 options. Fight for her by talking to her friends and family about what I should do (she did not like hearing that) or kick her out of my life - said those are the things that work.
I'll keep checking your sitch - maybe we can learn from each other.
