But Frank agrees with you. It takes time to wean yourself off of the emotional roller-coaster when you've been sucker-punched. He's doing it. Give him time. Encourage him to get his career/financial house in order and then, eventually, to do things for himself: cultivate friendships in his area, take up a hobby or sport that will engage, him etc.
Jeff, I think the insight you offer about Frank feeling his wife "owes" him is pretty on target. He admits this. It's upsetting to him. However, underneath this, there's another insight at work.
What Frank wants is someone who is there for him at all times, not just when he's playing alpha-male or is happy about life.
I discussed this with him a few times. It's something I think about, too. Divorce Busting, the Way of the Superior Man and Making her Happy.com all say the same thing: get your game on, and then, perhaps your spouse will be drawn back to you. The point is you have to really change, and of course, strive to keep your game on. No slip ups, at least not major ones. There's just an endless, unrelenting, unforgiving prospect of pursuing self-actualization and growth in the hope of keeping the wayward spouse interested.
There's no real grace in any of these approaches. There's no covenant or promise that binds us together in spite of our feelings, sadness or performance.
Frank knows he needs to save himself and grow for himself this time. He's going to do it: I'm sure of it.
But I, think he's really hungering for a marriage that isn't built on "what have you done for me lately?"
What are those vows again?
Forsaking all others. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. For better or worse.
Vows. Promises. An unassailable framework that builds the house of a marriage.
He's asking a very important question. And behind that lies the most important question.
Amy, here's your chance to do a layup and talk about God ;-)
