thanks John...thats probably why are situations are very similar...we think alike...
When someone totally snubs for for as long as this has gone on, it makes it easier and easier to detach. My feelings are that this is a bummmer, I dont know what it's going to be like to raise two kids as a single father, I'm shocked this is happening to me, it's not deserved, but this person obviously isnt the same person I have known forever, and this alien wants nothing to do with me. That seems to be clear.
As far as DB Principles. I havent pursued, begged, pleaded, reasoned for quite awhile....maybe not long enough, but I cant do any of these things because she wont engage me.
If I felt better, and if I didnt think it potentially didnt impact the custody situation of my kids, I would go to vegas or something like that. I am leaving out of town next week for 6 days, so that will help.
Interesting, one of my friends had a woman ask him about me already. How weird is that? I know there will be plenty of opportunity, but I guess I still have hope my W will have a huge hit of oxygen to her brain.
I think she's expecting me to put on the boxing gloves, that's what's pissing her off, that I havent done that yet. I think theres plenty of time to do that yet. And I can jab with the best of them.
I went awol for three days once...totally awol. she didnt handle it well and was really concerned for me. She also didnt handle it well with my kids, telling them she didnt know where I was. But I dont think it got me anywhere.
Since we all seem to be in similar boats, I'll give you my take as well. I believe that if you remain calm and rational you are going to continue to upset her. But if do I think she may eventually realize you are the bad guy she has in her mind you are. If you blow a gasket you'll only feed her impression or vision of you right now.
I'm not sure how she is going to react to your little piece of paper, but I assume not well.
Focus on staying healthy and being there for the kids.
no reaction to the paper yet. I don't think there will be. but she has to wonder? if she reacts doesn't she even more validate prescence of om?
cold war continues. she couldn't act anymore disinterested. won't look at me..etc. so detached from me. how could she really be in this state so fast?
she can be a jerk all she wants I guess. but she still has to deal with me for quite awhile bcause we have kids. and...I'm less likely to work with her on a settlement.
I made dinner last night. she wouldn't eat. she had nothing for dinner. but was thirsty enough to douse a bottle of wine with ease.
just journaling on how fun it is to be around W right now.
she is very upset that I plan on cancelling the winter break vacation she put together for the four of us. says kids are really looking forward to it. I just don't think its right under the circumstances and I really don't think either of us have the rights to the kids for 8 straight days during this time.
so...she says if I cancel, she'll just schedule something else. she doesn't get it. then she says I can have the kids that week and she will go on a trip. that is classic WAW selfish craziness. its all about what's good for her.
anyway its been a fun weekend with someone who is trying to be the biggest B*TC* as possible. and of course I am the jerk for not agreeing to any of her craziness.
w served me with temp orders for me to leave house, child support, etc. this after she agreed to leave and had been looking for a place. now shes asking a judge to kick me out.
there were some problems with this. she served me the night before I had to leave on a 7 day work trip. petition said I had to respond within 10days and a hearing in 14. my lawyer got that moved back two weeks..nice attack by her.
then in her petition, there are tons of lies. I couldn't believe it.
so...I asked her how she could sleep at night. she wouldn't answer me. I can't believe how dishonest she was.
anyway..when I arrived on my trip she emailed me and called me trying to negotiate. I just told her that I lost all trust, credibility, and respect for her and what's the point in talking to a person like this? I also told her I would totally do whatevr it takes to defend myself.
so..yes...I'm really pissed at her. shes trying to kick me out of my home. and of course we are not communicating at all. I csnt do that with a liar right now.
I have been out of town for work all week, so I have had little interactiom with W.
her parents are livid at her for her lying.
as far as where I stand, I am convinced she has totally made up her mind. no other influences have altered her thoughts. she has aligned herself with avery manipulative divoced lady, and I'm sure shes getting encouragement from her. I also believe there is an EA involved and that is a major barrier to my success.
so while I hope a huge hit of oxygen hits her brain, I am not optimistic.
I plan on calling W from airport this afternoon. I want to have a discussion regarding how this effects our kids and what is best for them, talk about change, and talk about short term fantasies at the expense of long term reality. I want to put a few thoughts into her skull for her to think about.
Good luck trying to talk some sense into her Tostada. If i can talk about my W for a second, she has played everything out in her head...our kids aren't the only ones going throgh this (as if that makes it ok.), one day they will understand, I want my freedom....all that my friend and more. I hope they regret it one day....I am sure they will. Reality is not in the fore frunt of their thoughts right now. The only thing they think about is how much better off they willbe without us.
Who knows maybe they are right and maybe we will also be better off without them.
Personally I think that any parent who feels a child is better off with divorced parents is being selfish (unless there is abuse or other serious issues). My parents divorced when I was 8 and rarely a week goes by when I am not still reminded of the pain and heartache that caused me and my sister. It still impacts my life and the lives of my children.
Maybe I got on a little soap box there. I apologize. Tostada, I'm pulling for you and hope she finds some oxygen.
Woog, I would not go as far as saying better off but they do downplay the potential effects. What else can they do? The guilt must be unbearable. My W also comes from a divorced family. I guess she forgot about the pain.
