I read twice over the last 24 hours that Frank actually saved himself two years ago while claiming he saved his wife and ultimately, the marriage.
Well, that's bullcrap.
Frank, you did not save anything because you have to save yourself first and you failed to do that or you would not be where you are today.
I agree Amy. When I read frank's old threads I thought I saw a guy who quit drinking, a guy who focused on himself, a guy who decorated his own room, a guy who worked through her affair, a guy who had the courage to really let her go, a guy who found his inner strength.
I saw much growth. That is what I meant above: I THOUGHT he saved himself then and that became my model and hope.
That is the kind of hope that frank posted to me.
But you are right. Now the context is that he "saved" her and that is all I am reading now. Thus my frustration.
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The process of saving yourself when you were a LBS became retarded when your wife started responding to the changes you made back then; your Alpha male personna, so to speak. You thrived off that because it validated your need to be the hero. You however, failed to finish the job by continuing to look to yourself for your answers.
Correct. I did not see that in the old thread. You said what I was trying to say in my "angry" posts.
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You have slipped back into talking more about your wife than your own self-discovery. Oh, you're using the words, but I'm not reading much about the revelations.
Yes again. I especially like the term self-discovery. It means moving from external validation (such as job, money, etc) to internal. To feel good about yourself and respond to your environment in assertive ways to achieve well-being. To treat her with love and respect despite the path she is taking.
That is only possible through self-discovery, not through "detachment". Detachment smells like indifference - self-discovery is feeling good about you and those around you.
