-- I will not monitor you. -- I will not question you. -- I will not talk about divorces or anything like that. -- I will not make angry promises to expose this to the other family involved, our friends, family. -- I will not try to force you to be someone who you are not. -- I will not use guilt as a tool against you. -- I will not try to control you.
I have also told her I will give her the time she needs to figure out her decision. What REALLY BOTHERS me is that she is still talking to the other guy.
Of course she did. You gave HER all the power. Why does SHE get to decide the fate of your marriage, and your family?
She IS addicted, and until she ends all contact with the other guy, she will not be open to receive you. She needs to not only agree to that, but to set up a system of transparency with you whereby YOU are comfortable that she has done it.
But you have negated ALL of that with your promises to her.
Why do you feel the need to promise her ANYTHING at this point? Promise her you are willing to work to try and save your marriage, but ONLY after she agrees to end all contact with the other man, in a way that is transparent to you, her husband.
Until she does that, there's nothing to really work on.
I know this sucks -- I was just there, this past summer. My beautiful 47 year old wife and mother of our four children was having an affair with her 29 year old personal trainer. It felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest and put it in a CuisinArt. You need to get your power back, and soon. Right now, you are letting the one who made a horribly selfish, foolish, and destructive decision for your family, call all the shots.
