Suddenly, I wasn't getting any sex, but it was ME who was in charge of the fact that I wasn't getting any sex. Every time I felt horny, (and would, under normal circumstances, either initiate and get rejected and get resentful, or not initiate and get resentful), I would tell myself, "don't initiate...you put the SM in place, and you have to honor it." Worked like a charm.
I agree. This is pretty much exactly what I accomplished with my "no hugs" moratorium. The reason why I found BF's advice to me most helpful, although frustratingly cryptic at times, was that he was clued in to the fact that I was actually a bit more unhappy with the lack of affection in my relationship than the lack of sex. You might have actually been more unhappy with the lack of respect than the lack of sex. IMO, when you address the issue you have been denying in your relationship (whatever you were lying to yourself about when you said "My marriage is great except for the sex." when you first came to the BB") resolving the sexual issue one way or the other is relatively easy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
