Hi Rachel, I know what you mean about the time thing. It is very difficult as I'm sure you know. We had a nice day yesterday but I can feel something is missing. I'm not sure if it's always been this way or I'm looking for something more now. Last night he was on the phone with his Mom, I heard him say my son has a baseball game and that I have bowling. She must have asked him what we were going to be doing today because it's our 15 year anniversary. Usually I am the one who makes the plans but I don't feel like planning anything. He woke up this morning kissed me and said happy anniversary. When I got out of the shower he was gone and my son said Happy Anniversary Mom. I asked him how he knew because I haven't said a word about it and he said Daddy told me. My H has never been the one to make big deals over birthdays or anniversaries but I feel that he should be doing something about this one. He hasn't put his wedding ring back on and if he is ready to commit again then he should be wearing it. I don't know, maybe it's me now. Looking for something I've never had but want now because for the first time I am realizing that I've been missing it. I actually beleive him when he says he'll never have an A again. I think he would leave me before doing that to me again. I'm so tired Rachel, so tired of not feeling loved. I can't get the images out of my head of him with OW. I told him I needed him to constantly reassure me and I know it's only been a day since he made the decision to stay but I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I can't imagine him not being in my life but how much longer can I live this way, so unhappy. How do you do it? What do you think about when you think about your future? Are you and H communicating with each other right now? I know I'm full of questions I'm sorry, I know you are going through such an awful time too. I want the "alien" to go away and bring my H back to me...Nikki
